Mindf u c k

Veronica and Jared Blackwood

I... I am lucky to have a brother like you. I didn't realize it when we were kids but I am certain of it now. You had your hands tied behind your back, and you were forced into a dark place that I knew perfectly well where it would lead you. Though I didn't care then, I didn't think. I couldn't even speak. I was selfish and I know that now. 

I miss you, oh so much. I remember the times you took care of me when we were kids. I was such an angry mess and you still showed me, love.  Something mom and Felix never showed either of us. We were in the same boat but you were stronger. I never stopped to think about how you felt, what was going on inside your head, and did you need help. You needed help too. 

Mom is gone, you didn't come to the funeral. I thought you would have, but I know why you didn't and I don't blame you. Do you hate me? I hate myself. For many reasons but you are one. I hate all the trouble I caused you when we were growing up, I hate that I wasn't there for you at all even though you fought the monster off of me; yet I still only thought of myself. I want you to know that I do care, I do love you and I am so sorry that I wasn't there, in mind and body, heart. What can I do to make it up to you my brother? What can I say? 

I love you, I miss you, please forgive me, Jared, for everything that I have done? If you can find it in your heart, I'm here.