Daria usually didn't get many trick-or-treaters considering she moved around alot do to work, especially since they were back on the road now. She was surprised that Halloween landed on a weekend and she was able to celebrate it. She couldn't get too messed up, though, because she did have to go to Raw tomorrow and make sure everything was in order over there.
She'd bought a bag of Reese cups, pretending that she would use them "just in case" she heard her doorbell ring. But, really, she had the bag sitting on her lap and she was opening up one after the other and eating them in two bites. They were her favorite candy all year round. She was watching Halloween movies on TV. She'd already watched Hocus Pocus yesterday and she'd finished Beetlejuice. Now she was in the middle of Halloweentown. Those were her three favorite classics. She popped the last Reese cup in her mouth and gathered up the wrappers and shoved them in the bag. She was over the candy, and she wanted something else.
She was ready for drugs.
Violet had cut her off a few days ago. Sending her a text message saying that their arrangement was off and that she wouldn't be supplying her anymore with drugs. Daria was bummed out that she didn't get to use the drugs as an excuse to see Violet, but she found another dealer to get them off of. So all was not lost. There was always someone selling and looking to get money.
A few hours later:
Daria was high out of her mind. She didn't remember the last time she got so blitzed out of her mind. She couldn't see properly. Her vision was going blurry, but she got up from the couch and she made her way over to the kitchen, stumbling around to the fridge so that she could retrieve a bottle of already opened wine. She was on her way back to the living room when the bottle slipped from her hands and fell to the floor. She looked down as the glass shattered and red merlot was spreading all over the floor. She blinked a few times, her hand reaching back to steady herself against the island in the middle of the kitchen as she watched the puddle of alcohol spread wider. It reminded her of blood. Blood. So much blood.
Flashback to a few months ago:
It wasn't a secret that Daria was f***ed up after her last relationship. It had awoken bad habits that she'd acquired in her late teen years that she tried so hard to keep buried in her mind. But the demons always won in the end, didn't they? She'd gotten so drunk and high at the same time that she let herself indulge in those bad habits. She didn't remember much afterwards, but she remembered the pain during it. When she was cutting across her upper thigh until there was crimson dripping down her thigh. She'd been crying and hadn't know until a tear fell from her eye and landed on her open wound; the salt in her tear burning her. It felt so good though. Pleasure in pain, as they say. She was in the bathroom, sitting on the toilet with the lid closed. She tilted her head back and let herself enjoy her drunken high while she drained herself of her blood. She knew not to cut deep enough to require stitches, and she did it in a place that would normally be covered so that she wouldn't be questioned by it.
She must have passed out, because when she woke up. She had to blink her eyes a few times to clear her mind. She was in her bathroom and she sort of remembered going in there to go to the bathroom at one point. When she went to stand up and that's when she saw a pool of blood on the floor. She didn't know what it was at first, until she looked at her thigh which was crusted with the same color. Harsh lines were on her skin and when she touched it, she winced at its tenderness. "F***... not again." She thought she was over doing this type of thing. The wound looked pretty deep, but it had stopped bleeding, which meant she didn't go too far into her flesh. She felt stupid for stooping so low and doing something that she knew she was better than. She stepped over the puddle and grabbed a washcloth, wetting it under hot water from the sink and cleaning her upper thigh, then she cleaned up her mess on the floor.
Present moment:
Daria shook her head back and forth, forcing herself to forget the memory that haunted her mind. But the wine was still there, triggering her so that she couldn't totally forget about what happened. She was so high and f***ed up that she felt triggered again, to do the same thing. Why not? Why wouldn't she do it? She really had nothing better to do. She was spending Halloween alone. She wasn't going out with any of her friends to any parties.
She grabbed her phone and she pulled up a text message, struggling to type out the words.
iMessage sent to Violet: I need your help. iMessage sent to Violet: I... I don't know what's going on. iMessage sent to Violet: Please come over.
She hoped that her words made sense because she really couldn't see a thing. She left her phone on the island counter and she stepped over the puddle of wine and tripped over something that was on the ground. Her Docs. She hit the ground hard and she knew she was going to pass out. The last thing she heard before she was totally gone was the door bell ringing.
Sonya was tired of Naomi coming up to her week after week and demanding a match. She had way too much on her plate right now, dealing with both Raw and Smackdown rosters that a match as insignificant as Naomi’s was just a request that she didn’t feel like filling at the moment. She didn’t know how many times she had to tell her to put her complaint in the box outside of her office and she’d get to it later. But for some reason that wasn’t good enough for her, and Sonya was at her breaking point. As an authoritative figure, she wasn’t allowed to put her hands on any of her employee’s, but Naomi had been pushing her so much lately that she’d just snapped and told her that she’d give her the match she wanted… with herself. Naomi was so glad that she had a match that she had no idea what position she had just put herself in.
One hour before:
Sonya wasn’t stupid. She hadn’t been in the squared circle for well over a year so she knew she could potentially be a little rusty, even though she’d be practicing running ropes in The Dungeon, run by TJ and Nattie. So, she called the one person that she knew would help her get the job done. She’d sparred with her in the past, and they had a similar background in fighting: MMA. Shayna Baszler wasn’t a woman anyone wanted to mess with, and that’s exactly why Sonya had requested her presence here on Smackdown.
When they both stood face to face in Sonya’s office, the brunette handed her an envelope that was filled with hundred dollar bills. The amount? Eh. That part was going to be left out. She watched as Shayna opened up the envelope and thumbed quickly through the paper bills to make sure they were all there. Satisfied, she nodded her head and they both went in their separate directions until it was time for the match. A match that Naomi was going to regret asking for.
Present time:
“Hold on, hold on, hold on. Party’s over. Cut the music. Cut her music now. I know, I know.” she said, hearing the amount of boo’s that she was receiving from the WWE Universe. Her body tingled. She loved to be the villain in her corporate suit. “Naomi, I warned you before about walking out of my office before I was finished speaking with you. I wasn’t finished telling you the details of your match tonight.” the crowd kept booing her and she was f***ing thrilled. “Don’t worry, everyone. She’s having a match. But.. it’s going to be Naomi… vs… me and… Shayna Baszler!” Sonya said with a smile, knowing by the look on Naomi’s face in the middle of the ring that she was one-upped and wasn’t expecting this. Shayna and Sonya shook hands and both of them walked down the ramp and into the middle of the ring where they prepared themselves for a match.
They both gave her a brutal beating and Sonya was glad that she chose The Queen of Spades to help her get the job done. Not that she needed help, but with Shayna picking Naomi up off the ground and holding her with her arms behind her back so Sonya could punch and jab her in the stomach? Yeah, that felt good. Everytime Naomi fell to the ground from the force of Sonya’s punches, she would yell. “Get her up!” to Shayna to bring her back into position. “I thought you wanted to wrestle? You wanted a match? And what did you do with the opportunity?” she punched her in the stomach. “You failed! Like you always do.”
Shayna let go of Naomi and she fell to the floor.
Sonya’s foot was right on her chest for the 1, 2, 3. Victory
This is an OOC post, so if you’re not into that kind thing, then exit now. **This blog post is public so anyone can comment on it if they desire.
If you’re curious about what’s been said or going around, or just like to be in other people’s business: keep reading. don’t you love it when you have to defend yourself again internet trolls? I wish this was a drabble but unfortunately it’s reality.
I have no idea who this guy Steve is. I was introduced to him under weird circumstances. He role played MJF under the name Egotistical and messaged me one day asking if I wanted to smut. I turned him down and said that I was only into women and that usually when I smut when men I leave them hanging halfway through because I’m not interested anymore. He said that was fine and he didn’t care if I left him hanging but I still said no. A few days later an Eva Marie account was requesting me and I accepted because who doesn’t love Eva? They slid right into my dms and we did hook up.
I never knew he was Eva until he added me on discord with her profile picture and sent me a screenshot that someone sent him on his MJF discord basically outing my ex for doing things behind me back. Said person said they only told their MJF friend that, so how did this Eva Marie get the screenshots and say “I figured you had the right to know this”. But blurred out screenames that were easily seen if you set your exposure to high/low on the iPhone. Clearly busting him.
The second thing I want to address is that I don’t even really know Zaria. I only talked to her when she had her Zahra Schrieber face, not when she was Mandy because I already have a Mandy connection. I don’t even have her on my friends list solely for that reason. So I’m sure she can attest to us not hooking up considering she was with a Dolph Ziggler pretty much the whole time. So me calling her a hoe makes no sense at all when I haven’t spoken to her in years.
Third, Daria is multi-ship, so she does have sex and relations with other people. So I’d love to know the person who I’m saying is sexually victimizing me? When all the ships that I have are mutual and consensual. I’m not a cheater, Violet and I never dated in real life so what I do in my own life has nothing to do with the rp world.
So, this “message” that is being shared around in a group chat and a status post from Steve is just from an insecure dude who is made that he got caught up and called out on some sneaky sh*t that he was doing. He hasn’t been getting the responses that he wants from the people that he’s messaging since they’re all ignoring him, so he’s resorting to literally just making sh*t up.
Screenshots of him harassing my friends through text messages and making random tumblr pages to send them messages on and calling them from text app numbers is HARASSMENT.
We’re all grown adults and this sh*t is ridiculous. Especially since he’s older than us and should know better. So for this dude that I don’t even know to be slandering my name is disgusting. The fact that he listed everyone’s discord’s except mine means that he doesn’t even know me well enough to speak on me like this. Especially because the only reason I’m connected with him is because I wouldn’t mess around with him on a guy page so he made a girl one to sleep with me. That’s immoral and gross.
When someone doesn’t reply to your messages, you don’t keep sending them over and over and over. And then going to their tumblr and sending them messages there. And then using text app numbers to call them over and over. And then making another tumblr because they won’t answer you on that one and messaging them on that.
That’s psychotic behavior and it’s disgusting. So for him to post that status of his little “notepad” of falsified “secrets” is childish and weird especially when it’s not the truth and he’s only doing it because it’s another way to get the persons attention that keeps ignoring him and wants nothing to do with him.
I hate talking about ooc sh*t because it dampens the mood around here, but my friends and I shouldn’t be getting dragged through the dirt for no reason at all. Nothing in his little handy dandy notebook was true. And it was stupid of him to post and make all this drama happen. It’s ridiculous.
Anyone who knows me, who’s my friend and on my list, knows I’m not into drama and I’m a chill person. So for me to have to make this blog post at all sends a red flag that this person is clearly lying on mine and my friends’ names. And it’s not okay. He needs to seek help.
He can say that he didn’t write the post all he wants, but he’s overlooking a very important part. The spelling of someone’s name. It’s “Brandyn” not “Brandyln” so your Anonymous message isn’t so anonymous now. And in the screenshots from him in the next link, prove that he wrote the entire thing because he spells the name that way every time.
In the link below there's screenshots and proof, along with another testimony from someone else:
Synposis:Daria did more than shake her faith, she sullied her vengeful actions in her soul. What goes around comes around. If Daria craved her forgiveness so badly, Anais was going to make it hurt too, the two were destined to burn together.
"they teach you to love your hunger; to turn your stomach into an unfilled grave so you will always have enough space to bury things; nightmares, tears, love letters, broken hearts, friends, lovers..."
She had stopped listening to Daria's voicemails hours ago, texts went unread, phone calls hushed, unanswered by the sorrow in her weeping heart. It hurt so badly. Her belly clenched for a caress of starved comfort, anything to ease the heat licking her diaphragm ablaze. She had no more tears left to cry. Mascara had smudged her cheeks, creased into her ruby cheeks. She didn't even have the energy to shed her ash-stained clothes and wash away the wickedness she had witnessed. Tremblings hands had clung around her curves. With no one to comfort Anais, she only had herself, the worst possible person to have.
She had watched helplessly as the church burned to the ground as if the devil herself had crawled inside and breathed the hot spark of wretchedness unbound. She was rooted in despair to her core in the courtyard while everyone ran in fear of rapture come to fruition. The black plumes darkened the sky and rained ashes were the once gorgeous paradise lied in its glory because of her.
A rapture she had welcomed into god's haven. A devil she had shared her faith with. She had paid good money to sneak her in, gullible to the serpent she had aided in secret. It was all her fault, her burden cross to carry.
Betrayed by her sharp claws of heartbreak. Daria's pain was now Anais' pain. She had freed herself and Anais inherited her chains of heartbreak. How was that fair?
The flames hastened in their destruction, bringing the church to its knees in a matter of minutes. She watched the flowers, gorgeous yellow and orange gazania's from Spain; her abuelita's favorite flowers from her cherished garden. The ones she would on occasion ask permission to pick and take some home to feel her a touch of childhood nostalgia envelope her. The fire had slithered up to them and smothered them lifeless, shriveled up just like Anais' heart in that instant.
Daria knew Church was her place of sanctuary. Where she was welcomed with compassionate warmth as a runaway teenager. For the first time in her life, she didn't have to bend her knee to change who she was. While they had similar upbringings when it came to Catholicism, they two had respected each other's preferences and emotions to their ties. She knew Anais had no one outside of the girls at work to rely on when she was home alone. When her father's grotesque memories plagued her with insomnia. Her family had cut her off at his disgusted behest, she wasn't a child of so she was no child of his.
Of course, it wasn't enough she witnessed such a horrific act, she had to be the one to clean up Daria's mess. The other woman cloaked in black had fled without even checking if Anais had made it out alive.
She internally panicked about when the sector, the two were both at fault with a noose of guilt snaked around their necks. He had approached her during a vigil held, no lives were lost, but the people were shaken with no answers. He wanted more money to keep his truth hushed.
Anais felt like such a coward and a cheat standing next to the weeping and spooked crowd brokering a deal with this man. He bowed his head and closed his eyes as if in prayer, Anais followed suit once she knew no one had paid them much attention. She would barely murmur her words of prayer. They rose up her esophagus as if refusing to be complicit in her deceit. "Would be a shame if everyone found if it's partly your fault, all the good you've done? Washed away, just like that." He snapped his fingers menacingly between them, to emphasize how fast how her fall from grace would be.
She didn't like threats, but she bit her tongue and swallowed her pride, not Daria, but herself, "we would both go down, actually" her hazel leveled him with contempt, he stumbled to a stop by her brazen tongue. Anais was scared, but she did all of her best work under intense pressure. This would simply be another lie to tack onto her resume of duplicity. "and I would make sure of it, God wouldn't even let get close to those pearly gates." She wouldn't let this old man or anyone dismantle all of her hard work and connections. "I'll send you the cash once you show me you destroyed all of the evidence," she paused and shot him a shrewd smirk, "just like I know many in high places, I know plenty in even lower places. So keep your holy mouth before we test that theory too soon."
All her notifications were ignored the weeks after the distressing events. She played cat and mouse, botching Daria's sad attempts to corner her and sell her pitiful apology. All communications ceased, Daria had to wad through her personal assistant to get a word in about her storyline from then on. Anais had nothing but contempt for Daria, she couldn't stand the sight of her, of how she went on as if nothing had happened. Like she hadn't shattered a piece of Anais and stepped on it in disgust without a second glance.
A bottle of Don Julio, her old college buddy clutched shakily, unopened in her palm. An entires year's worth of sobriety was about to go down the drain. She wouldn't be able to look her sponsor in the eyes anymore. She couldn't bear to be spotted in her community, she felt their chary stares and gossiping whispers of the town ghosted to her back. But in reality, it was in her head. And she had no one but blame but herself, for being so trustworthy, so naive to her ex-flings sadness.
- - - - -
When Daria was walking home, she sent a bunch of text messages to Anais on her way back. She didn’t think that the fire would catch that quickly. For some reason, she thought it would be tiny and put itself out or something, but that wasn’t the case. The last time she looked back at it before disappearing into the woods behind the church was an orange ball of fire and the sirens of firetrucks in the distance.
It was really then that she remembered Anais said that she would stay and make sure no one interrupted Daria’s thought process. She’d thought that she left to do whatever she had to do and Daria would catch her own ride home. She was lucky that she didn’t see her face as her church was being burnt to a crisp. All due to the hands of the woman that she trusted to be in there in the first place. Did she feel bad? Of course, she did. She knew that place was one of Anais’s places that she went to for comfort and sanctuary, but she still did what she did. It was like the Devil took over her. She thought it was the Holy Spirit talking to her in there but it was probably Lucifer himself whispering in her ear and she couldn’t tell the damn difference. This is why she didn’t go to church.
It made sense why she was getting the silent treatment. Even a week later when Daria was in her office on Monday Night Raw. She heard a knock on the door and opened it up, hoping that she’d see Anais’s face, even if it was as fiery as the church she set ablaze, but it was the woman’s assistant; relaying storyline strategies back and forth. Looks like she wouldn’t be talking to Anais for a while. She sighed and closed her office door.
Yeah, Daria was upset, but she knew she couldn’t be as upset as Anais was. Turning around and seeing the church that you left your friend in on fire? Did she think that Daria was inside it? That when she stepped in the Devil really said “f*** you” and torched the place? Or did she know deep down that Daria was capable of doing something like this? She wouldn’t know because she wasn’t answering any of her calls or texts. She knew she wasn’t blocked because every time she sent one it said ‘delivered’ at the bottom. Voicemails of her pleading her case weren’t working either. She was in big trouble and she didn’t know how she was going to get herself out of this mess that she put herself in.
She hadn’t even thought about the repercussions of her actions. She burnt down a church.. It had to be on the news. There had to be police looking for people. The priest that was there would have remembered both of them there, he let them in that morning. And he definitely got a good look at Daria because he never saw her there before and she was dressed in all black and dripping like the sin he knew she was. But days… weeks… had passed and she didn’t have police at her door or show up at work to cuff her, which must have meant that Anais took care of it even though they weren’t on speaking terms.
Okay, so she wouldn’t answer her calls or texts, so she’d just have to show up at her house. Daria wasn’t the type to show up unwanted and unannounced, but she at least had to thank her for not allowing her to get tossed in jail. After taking a few shots of tequila for liquid courage, she left her house and made her way to Anais’s. She made a small stop at the boutique because maybe a bundle of flowers would at least get her to open the door. So she got hot pink ones that reminded her of Anais’s hair and she got back into her car and continued to drive until she was parked right next to the woman’s car. Good, she was home… but that also meant that she was ignoring her as well. Surprise, surprise.
She got out of the car with the flowers and locked it up and shoved her keys in the back pocket of her ripped denim jeans, her iPhone in the opposite pocket. She had a lump in her throat as she walked up to the door and she used her finger to press the doorbell. She didn’t expect anything, of course. So she leaned against the door frame, her black leather jacket sticking against the wooden frame. She told herself she’d ring it one more time and then leave the roses on the welcome mat if she didn’t answer. She pushed the button again and waited. Nothing. No one opened the door. But she saw a shadow, some type of movement behind the frosted glass on the side of the window that meant Anais was possibly on the other side either debating on opening the door or waiting for her to get her ass off her property.
Daria really didn’t feel like getting chased by a German Shepherd, so she talked through the glass of the door. “I know you won’t answer my calls and my texts… or talk to me at work. But I want you to know that I’m sorry. I also know that doesn’t mean sh*t to you because I did something to you that I don’t know if I can fix. But I want to try. I also want to thank you for getting us off the hook. I haven’t been cuffed yet..” she chuckled with her innuendo sense of humor, “...so you had to have made some calls and did some heavy lifting on your end to make sure that I didn’t get in trouble. I at least wanted to show up in person and thank you for that.” She stood waiting for Anais to possibly open the door. If she did, she would be grateful to see even the meanest look on her face, which still meant she cared about her in the slightest way. If she didn't, then she'd leave the roses on the mat and she'd walk away and leave.
- - - - -
"But how can i sleep with you in my head? write a quick poem and go to bed."
Speak of the devil with the biggest set of balls in the world, she caught a glimpse of Daria through her security cameras. Daria dared to have a bouquet in hand, it triggered Anais back to the ones she had withered to death in the fire. How f***ing dare she. All of the misery she had tried to bury in her heart sprung forth and she snapped. Enough. Anais erratically rushed to open the door in a flurry and before Daria could speak, a resounding smack was heard loud and clear.
She ignored the hot sting of her palm as she stared down at the other woman with glassy eyes, “You could’ve sent a thank you card if that’s all you have to say.” A disbelieving, near-hysterical laugh escaped her lips, Daria still didn’t get and maybe she never would.
- - - - -
thank you to daria for majorly helping not only write but also put this together.
Synopsis: Daria thinks going to church and trying to find her inner spirituality that she’d suppressed since she was forced to go to a Catholic school when she was a child will help her move on from her past relationship so that she stops bothering her friends about it. But, she needs help from one special person and that person is who she’ll ultimately betray in the end, the other woman just doesn’t know it yet.
It was the crack of dawn, whatever freaky thing she was willing to get up to this morning... Anais wanted nothing to do with it.
Anais just about choked on her chamomile tea while she read the text messages; Daria had to be joking? Judging by how coherent her texting was on her screen, she was definitely sober, at least. And hungry, looking to score a home-cooked hangover breakfast.
Anais wanted to whine, it was too early, and she had just finished her workout and morning skincare routine. She wasn't even dressed to go out yet. She had been about to crawl back into her plush California king bed and laze about before she was rudely interrupted. The incessant buzzing of her iPhone informed her that the other woman wasn't going to stop bothering her. How was the ungodly even up at this hour? She was determined, unfortunately. Anais sighed and might have stomped her barefoot petulantly and pouted at her en-suite mirror.
She didn't want Daria getting arrested for pulling another one of her post-break-up stunts in broad daylight. She had to presume this sudden turn to God had something to do with her strange request. Desperate time calls for desperate measures. Lucky for her, Anais knew some people and made a quick phone call to her church through their hotline. And with a promise of generous donations to let them in, before the morning crowd came through. The sexton agreed to open their doors to the two, so long as nothing nefarious went on.
Once Daria promised she would be on her best behavior, the mission was on. They had a limited window of time before the abuelitas raised some hell for the Lord.
A sad sigh escaped her plush lips, Anais gave up her bed to change out of her lace camisole nightdress. As she was slipping on her Nike sneakers, she heard the honk of Daria's ride in her driveway in less than ten minutes since her last text. She quickly jogged outside to hush the other woman from waking up her neighbors considering Daria hopped out of her car and was on her way to bang on the door at six in the morning.
"You owe me big time for this." Daria's sober stare killed whatever smart-ass remark Anais had on her tongue. It was starkly obvious she was having a difficult time digesting her break-up. No matter how loathsome a person turned out to be, they had still etched themselves in her heart. And now her heart was hollow with a missing piece she couldn't have back.
“Yeah, I’m definitely going to owe you big time, I already know.” she said, because she doubted that Anais saw the lighter that she had in her pocket. One of those old fashioned ones that could torch anything in a second. The one Max used to light the black flame candle on Hocus Pocus.
She instead chose to give her the directions as the two sat quietly with the hum of the revving engine filling the stifling silence between them.
Within fifteen minutes the two women were at the historical church's parking lot, met with gorgeous, tall stained-glass windows, and a beautiful courtyard bathed in warm sunlight. "We technically aren't supposed to be in here so please don't go in guns blazing..." The sexton eyed Daria suspiciously while he greeted Anais, strangely dressed less than impressed, she frequented this church sometimes when she wasn’t at the most prestigious one in the city. Before he left them to do their devices, "once the morning crowd comes knocking, that's all you get."
Daria let out a chuckle when she said not to go in there with guns blazing. She literally had no idea what was about to happen and she wasn’t telling her now.
"So what exactly are your plans in there?" Anais finally wondered out loud, slightly wary of her friend's demeanor. And for the fact that she would persuade people to wait outside for whatever length of time, Daria needed to release her pent-up emotions.
Daria didn’t answer her when she asked what her plans were. Even she didn’t know what her exact plans were herself once she walked inside, but she’d find out once she was inside.
Once again she was met with silence as Daria stared straight ahead to the humongous parted wooden doors, determined. Anais bit her lip, she didn't have much of any advice to offer, everyone mourned differently. She enveloped Daria in a smothering hug, like a mother trying to comfort her child, and with a soft kiss on her cheek, she released Daria to find her answers.
Daria let Anais hug her, even wrapping her arms around her waist and pulling her in close to her body for an embrace. One, because she needed a hug, and two because Anais had no idea what Daria was going to do with the lighter in her back pocket so she felt the need to show her friend some extra love.
- - - - - - - - - -
The kiss on her cheek made her face turn a little rosy but it was gone in an instant when Anais left her alone to do what she needed to do.
She entered the church, which was completely empty at this hour. Automatically she dipped her finger in holy water near the door and blessed herself. She was actually surprised her whole body didn’t catch on fire as soon as she walked inside. It was funny to think that things worked like that, but they didn’t.
In her black t-shirt, black ripped up skinny jeans, and black Doc Martens, she slowly walked down the middle aisle of the church through the pews like she was a bride. She looked all around her. She hadn’t stepped foot inside of a church since she was forced to become a member when she was a kid. Aside from the time Anais took her, the only person she trusted to go with her to make sure she didn’t have ptsd from going back into one.
She just didn’t think religion should be thrown on kids at such a young age and she had to endure five long years of what’s right and wrong in this world. And what you should and shouldn’t do if you expect to get into Heaven on the day you die. That’s a lot for a kid to try to understand.
The smell of the burning candles caught her attention, the candles that had been lit at various times to acknowledge the passing of a loved one. Daria walked over to them. Some half lit, some not. She struck a match and lit one of her own; symbolizing the loss of her loved one. Not in a death sense, but in a “in her heart” sense. The reason she was here in the first place was to try to cleanse herself from the evil that her ex had put in her heart. Of course, she knew that God couldn’t help her, but it made her feel like she was in the right place for it.
She left the candles and went to the front altar, staring up at the lifesize figure of Jesus hanging on the cross. She took a few steps back and settled herself down in one of the pews. She pulled down the lever and kneeled down on the padding so that her forearms were resting on the wood surface in front of her. She kneeled her head. She wasn’t going to talk to God, obviously. But she was here for a reason, and she knew that if she was quiet, he would talk to her instead.
Sometimes , the people you love won’t stay. And that’s okay. They weren’t meant to. Their purpose was to show you the depths of your heart, and to teach you how to honor your worth.
Her eyes were closed and that was the first sentence that she heard come from thin air and into her body. Yeah, she didn’t necessarily believe but there was some kind of Holy Spirit around her that sensed her distress and was trying to comfort her and relieve her of that duty.
She didn’t want to bother her friends anymore about her ex-girlfriend. She knew they were tired of hearing about it. Some even said so. She’d been mourning the loss for over a month. She wasn’t crying anymore. She wasn’t hurting herself anymore. She wasn’t blaming herself anymore for things happening the way that they did. She knew that she made the choice that she needed to in the end.
The hurting process was over and she was waiting for the healing process to begin. Which is why she came here. She didn’t know why she did, but she did. She didn’t think she needed help and guidance this bad on being cleansed of a super sh*tty person, but here she was.
Things don’t always work out the way we plan. But you should never regret following your heart. You should never regret going after what makes your heart happy, even if it ended in hurt. Instead, you should feel so beyond proud of yourself for being brave enough to chase what makes you feel alive. Some people are too scared to chase their dreams. You should feel proud of yourself for knowing what you want. There are people who admire the strength in you. Never regret anything that becomes part of your journey in finding happiness and finding who you are as a person.
She was crying already before she even realized she was. Teardrops fell from her lashes and dripped down to her hands that were folding together in prayer. There was a strong smell of incense around her so she knew that there was some sort of presence or spirit around her. Her skin rose with goosebumps as she thought out loud in her head to whoever was speaking to her. “Ultimately, I’m afraid… because if that wasn’t love, then I don’t know what it looks like.” she said out loud even though she thought she only said it on the inside.
Once she heard her own voice, she looked up and a few more tears fell from her eyes. She wanted to make sure she was still alone, and she was after a few glances around. She wiped her eyes with the back of her wrist and was about to get up before she heard another sound in her mind again. Another though that wasn’t hers.
Before you are ready, life will say. “Here is heartbreak, let me teach you about strength.” Before you are ready, life will say, “here is failure, let me show you how to grow.” Before you are ready, life will say, “here is loss, but I will teach you to value what was while appreciating what is.” Before you are ready, life will say, “here is betrayal or unkindness but I will teach you to be loyal, honest and kind. “Before you are ready, life will say, “let go of your pride and arrogance, let me show you humility.” Before you are ready, life will show you fear, and in return, teach you to be brave. And when you are ready, life will say, “here is everything we deserve and have worked towards, it’s up to you to appreciate it.”
Doing as much crying as she was right now, she was glad to hear everything that she did. She needed to hear those words as much as she needed to hear anything. She stood up from the pew and leaned the kneeler back up into position and stood up. She wiped her tears and walked to the front of the church again, staring at Jesus hanging on the cross. She waited a few minutes to compose herself before she turned around and walked slowly back down the aisle that she came from. She blessed herself again with the holy water as she exited the church, letting the door close behind her.
She did think about it, for a minute, about not doing what she initially set out to do. The lighter that she brought with her was calling out to her. As much as she had the light of God in her from their interaction, she had just as much Devil in her, too. They went hand in hand. But in the end, she reached in her back pocket and she knelt down to the ground. She flicked the lighter to life and caught shrubbery on fire that went up in a blaze almost automatically.
She took a few quick steps back and watched in amazement as it already took nearly half the church with it. All the beautiful pink flowers that were surrounding it were hard to see on fire because they were gorgeous. She cared more about them than the church that was on fire currently.
She needed to get out of here quickly. Only one person knew they were there and that was the sexton that unlocked the church when Anais and her were standing in front of the doors. She knew Anais would be able to cover her tracks, but for Daria… maybe it wouldn’t be so easy as making a few phone calls to erase some surveillance footage.
The brunette took one look back again at her work once she was further away. The whole church was ablaze and there was a smile on her face. She was glad that she was able to get her sadness out of her and use this as a metaphor to eliminate the feelings of her past relationship. She was done. The fire was proving that she was closing that chapter in her life.
thank you so much to anais for collabing with me on this. i really couldn't have done it without her. she was a really big inspiration for this piece.
