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daria closes the final chapter.
Synopsis: Daria thinks going to church and trying to find her inner spirituality that she’d suppressed since she was forced to go to a Catholic school when she was a child will help her move on from her past relationship so that she stops bothering her friends about it. But, she needs help from one special person and that person is who she’ll ultimately betray in the end, the other woman just doesn’t know it yet.  It was the crack of dawn, whatever freaky thing she was willing to get up to this morning... Anais wanted nothing to do with it.
Anais just about choked on her chamomile tea while she read the text messages; Daria had to be joking? Judging by how coherent her texting was on her screen, she was definitely sober, at least. And hungry, looking to score a home-cooked hangover breakfast.
Anais wanted to whine, it was too early, and she had just finished her workout and morning skincare routine. She wasn't even dressed to go out yet. She had been about to crawl back into her plush California king bed and laze about before she was rudely interrupted. The incessant buzzing of her iPhone informed her that the other woman wasn't going to stop bothering her. How was the ungodly even up at this hour? She was determined, unfortunately. Anais sighed and might have stomped her barefoot petulantly and pouted at her en-suite mirror.
She didn't want Daria getting arrested for pulling another one of her post-break-up stunts in broad daylight. She had to presume this sudden turn to God had something to do with her strange request. Desperate time calls for desperate measures. Lucky for her, Anais knew some people and made a quick phone call to her church through their hotline. And with a promise of generous donations to let them in, before the morning crowd came through. The sexton agreed to open their doors to the two, so long as nothing nefarious went on.
Once Daria promised she would be on her best behavior, the mission was on. They had a limited window of time before the abuelitas raised some hell for the Lord.
A sad sigh escaped her plush lips, Anais gave up her bed to change out of her lace camisole nightdress. As she was slipping on her Nike sneakers, she heard the honk of Daria's ride in her driveway in less than ten minutes since her last text. She quickly jogged outside to hush the other woman from waking up her neighbors considering Daria hopped out of her car and was on her way to bang on the door at six in the morning.  "You owe me big time for this." Daria's sober stare killed whatever smart-ass remark Anais had on her tongue. It was starkly obvious she was having a difficult time digesting her break-up. No matter how loathsome a person turned out to be, they had still etched themselves in her heart. And now her heart was hollow with a missing piece she couldn't have back.
“Yeah, I’m definitely going to owe you big time, I already know.” she said, because she doubted that Anais saw the lighter that she had in her pocket. One of those old fashioned ones that could torch anything in a second. The one Max used to light the black flame candle on Hocus Pocus.
She instead chose to give her the directions as the two sat quietly with the hum of the revving engine filling the stifling silence between them.  Within fifteen minutes the two women were at the historical church's parking lot, met with gorgeous, tall stained-glass windows, and a beautiful courtyard bathed in warm sunlight. "We technically aren't supposed to be in here so please don't go in guns blazing..." The sexton eyed Daria suspiciously while he greeted Anais, strangely dressed less than impressed, she frequented this church sometimes when she wasn’t at the most prestigious one in the city. Before he left them to do their devices, "once the morning crowd comes knocking, that's all you get."Daria let out a chuckle when she said not to go in there with guns blazing. She literally had no idea what was about to happen and she wasn’t telling her now."So what exactly are your plans in there?" Anais finally wondered out loud, slightly wary of her friend's demeanor. And for the fact that she would persuade people to wait outside for whatever length of time, Daria needed to release her pent-up emotions.Daria didn’t answer her when she asked what her plans were. Even she didn’t know what her exact plans were herself once she walked inside, but she’d find out once she was inside.Once again she was met with silence as Daria stared straight ahead to the humongous parted wooden doors, determined. Anais bit her lip, she didn't have much of any advice to offer, everyone mourned differently. She enveloped Daria in a smothering hug, like a mother trying to comfort her child, and with a soft kiss on her cheek, she released Daria to find her answers.Daria let Anais hug her, even wrapping her arms around her waist and pulling her in close to her body for an embrace. One, because she needed a hug, and two because Anais had no idea what Daria was going to do with the lighter in her back pocket so she felt the need to show her friend some extra love. - - - - - - - - - - The kiss on her cheek made her face turn a little rosy but it was gone in an instant when Anais left her alone to do what she needed to do.
She entered the church, which was completely empty at this hour. Automatically she dipped her finger in holy water near the door and blessed herself. She was actually surprised her whole body didn’t catch on fire as soon as she walked inside. It was funny to think that things worked like that, but they didn’t.
In her black t-shirt, black ripped up skinny jeans, and black Doc Martens, she slowly walked down the middle aisle of the church through the pews like she was a bride. She looked all around her. She hadn’t stepped foot inside of a church since she was forced to become a member when she was a kid. Aside from the time Anais took her, the only person she trusted to go with her to make sure she didn’t have ptsd from going back into one.
She just didn’t think religion should be thrown on kids at such a young age and she had to endure five long years of what’s right and wrong in this world. And what you should and shouldn’t do if you expect to get into Heaven on the day you die. That’s a lot for a kid to try to understand.
The smell of the burning candles caught her attention, the candles that had been lit at various times to acknowledge the passing of a loved one. Daria walked over to them. Some half lit, some not. She struck a match and lit one of her own; symbolizing the loss of her loved one. Not in a death sense, but in a “in her heart” sense. The reason she was here in the first place was to try to cleanse herself from the evil that her ex had put in her heart. Of course, she knew that God couldn’t help her, but it made her feel like she was in the right place for it.
She left the candles and went to the front altar, staring up at the lifesize figure of Jesus hanging on the cross. She took a few steps back and settled herself down in one of the pews. She pulled down the lever and kneeled down on the padding so that her forearms were resting on the wood surface in front of her. She kneeled her head. She wasn’t going to talk to God, obviously. But she was here for a reason, and she knew that if she was quiet, he would talk to her instead. Sometimes , the people you love won’t stay. And that’s okay. They weren’t meant to. Their purpose was to show you the depths of your heart, and to teach you how to honor your worth. Her eyes were closed and that was the first sentence that she heard come from thin air and into her body. Yeah, she didn’t necessarily believe but there was some kind of Holy Spirit around her that sensed her distress and was trying to comfort her and relieve her of that duty.
She didn’t want to bother her friends anymore about her ex-girlfriend. She knew they were tired of hearing about it. Some even said so. She’d been mourning the loss for over a month. She wasn’t crying anymore. She wasn’t hurting herself anymore. She wasn’t blaming herself anymore for things happening the way that they did. She knew that she made the choice that she needed to in the end.
The hurting process was over and she was waiting for the healing process to begin. Which is why she came here. She didn’t know why she did, but she did. She didn’t think she needed help and guidance this bad on being cleansed of a super sh*tty person, but here she was. Things don’t always work out the way we plan. But you should never regret following your heart. You should never regret going after what makes your heart happy, even if it ended in hurt. Instead, you should feel so beyond proud of yourself for being brave enough to chase what makes you feel alive. Some people are too scared to chase their dreams. You should feel proud of yourself for knowing what you want. There are people who admire the strength in you. Never regret anything that becomes part of your journey in finding happiness and finding who you are as a person. She was crying already before she even realized she was. Teardrops fell from her lashes and dripped down to her hands that were folding together in prayer. There was a strong smell of incense around her so she knew that there was some sort of presence or spirit around her. Her skin rose with goosebumps as she thought out loud in her head to whoever was speaking to her. “Ultimately, I’m afraid… because if that wasn’t love, then I don’t know what it looks like.” she said out loud even though she thought she only said it on the inside.
Once she heard her own voice, she looked up and a few more tears fell from her eyes. She wanted to make sure she was still alone, and she was after a few glances around. She wiped her eyes with the back of her wrist and was about to get up before she heard another sound in her mind again. Another though that wasn’t hers. Before you are ready, life will say. “Here is heartbreak, let me teach you about strength.” Before you are ready, life will say, “here is failure, let me show you how to grow.” Before you are ready, life will say, “here is loss, but I will teach you to value what was while appreciating what is.” Before you are ready, life will say, “here is betrayal or unkindness but I will teach you to be loyal, honest and kind. “Before you are ready, life will say, “let go of your pride and arrogance, let me show you humility.” Before you are ready, life will show you fear, and in return, teach you to be brave. And when you are ready, life will say, “here is everything we deserve and have worked towards, it’s up to you to appreciate it.” Doing as much crying as she was right now, she was glad to hear everything that she did. She needed to hear those words as much as she needed to hear anything. She stood up from the pew and leaned the kneeler back up into position and stood up. She wiped her tears and walked to the front of the church again, staring at Jesus hanging on the cross. She waited a few minutes to compose herself before she turned around and walked slowly back down the aisle that she came from. She blessed herself again with the holy water as she exited the church, letting the door close behind her.
She did think about it, for a minute, about not doing what she initially set out to do. The lighter that she brought with her was calling out to her. As much as she had the light of God in her from their interaction, she had just as much Devil in her, too. They went hand in hand. But in the end, she reached in her back pocket and she knelt down to the ground. She flicked the lighter to life and caught shrubbery on fire that went up in a blaze almost automatically.
She took a few quick steps back and watched in amazement as it already took nearly half the church with it. All the beautiful pink flowers that were surrounding it were hard to see on fire because they were gorgeous. She cared more about them than the church that was on fire currently.
She needed to get out of here quickly. Only one person knew they were there and that was the sexton that unlocked the church when Anais and her were standing in front of the doors. She knew Anais would be able to cover her tracks, but for Daria… maybe it wouldn’t be so easy as making a few phone calls to erase some surveillance footage.
The brunette took one look back again at her work once she was further away. The whole church was ablaze and there was a smile on her face. She was glad that she was able to get her sadness out of her and use this as a metaphor to eliminate the feelings of her past relationship. She was done. The fire was proving that she was closing that chapter in her life. thank you so much to anais for collabing with me on this.
i really couldn't have done it without her.
she was a really big inspiration for this piece.
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