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therapy is stupid and I should stop going - a very short solo
1. you are worthy.
2. you have valuable things to say.
3. your body looks different today from how it looked yesterday and different from how it will look tomorrow, and that's okay.
4. you're smart and you're loved.
despite how passionately gabby's therapist pushes the idea of these daily affirmations, she hasn't entirely bought into it. sure, she can see merit in the practice, but maybe it doesn't work for everyone. or maybe she just isn't trying hard enough. that's probably it. regardless, the practice has worked its way into the model's morning routine, tucked somewhere between when she brushes her teeth and pours her first cup of the day, the only time she can guarantee herself the privacy needed to complete the task.
it's so silly, to repeat such simple statements aloud. and it always follows the same pattern, starting with the blonde staring at the mirror. her eyes will scan from feature to feature, careful to never take in her face as a whole. and then the advice of her therapist echoes in her mind, and god, fine. f***. okay. she gets it.
"you are worthy."
she says it with a facetious little smile, poking fun at the entire concept.
"and you have valuable things to say," is always delivered with a little more bite. that's when she can feel the resentment start to rise in her throat.
"your body looks different today from how it looked yesterday and different from how it will look tomorrow, and that's okay."
𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘭 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘶𝘱 𝘰𝘯 𝘴𝘦𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘪𝘣𝘭𝘺 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘴𝘢𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘴𝘪𝘻𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘲𝘶𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘩 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘴𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘩𝘪𝘱𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘩𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘱𝘢𝘺, she wants to add, but leaves it to be inferred by her and her alone.
she braces herself for the next one. none of this is easy, hence the use of defense mechanisms while alone, but this next line... always the worst. gabby curls her fingers around the rough edges of the bathroom counter (every hotel is sh*tty, some only hide it better, you cannot convince her otherwise) and leans in, jaw clenching enough to be seen through her round cheeks. why does it never get easier to look herself in the eye?
"you're smart. and you're loved."
this is bullsh*t. she's wasting her time on bullsh*t. it's so f***ing stupid.
gabby gathers up her toiletries and shoves them into a gallon bag. the same one she's had rattling around in her travel bag for months now. she hardly ever got to be home anymore. thankfully, she isn't left to sit in the thought for too long. her manager calls up and lets the model know she needs to be in the lobby in ten.
she should've finished university.
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