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01/07/2019 06:46 PM 

Dear Austyn.

Dear Austyn.

One year ago, on December 29th... it was the last time I ever heard from you. It was the last time we ever talked. There was nothing romantic about our last words, no I love yous or I'll miss yous. There wasn't even a goodbye. It was all very casual. You were going to visit your grandparents. I knew I'd hear from you later, I always did. But that time, I didn't.

You just disappeared. And I still haven't recovered.

There were so many things I blamed myself for when you disappeared, things I still blame myself for. I shouldn't, but I do. And that comes from the lack of closure I got when you left. I don't know if you left intentionally or not, and it's so hard trying to accept the fact that I'll never know. I don't believe that I'll never know, I still hope and pray that one day you'll log on and message me like nothing ever happened. That things will go back to the way they were. I still wish for you whenever it's 11:11.

We had so many plans, so many dreams. We had so many shows and movies left to watch. I haven't even continued watch the shows we watched together, so that when you get back, we can pick up where we left off.

But it hurts. A lot. I'd give anything to hear from you again. One last time. Sometimes it gets so bad I hurt myself again, or I stop eating, stop drinking. I want to stop being sad, but the reality is I'll never not be sad now that you're not here. This is one wound that will never heal. You don't just meet someone you feel deep in your bones is your person, your ride or die, the love of your life, and just move on and forget what it's like to love them. You don't move on. You just learn to live with the sadness.

I'll never love again. Not after you. I don't even want to live after you... but here I am. Fighting with myself to keep breathing, holding out on the tiniest thread of hope that you'll come back. Maybe.

You probably won't.

Wherever you are, all I ask is this: when I die, be there. Please. It's the only promise I need you to keep. Don't let me die alone. I'm so scared of dying alone.

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[ This blog post is viewable to friends only ]

04/16/2018 10:01 PM 

in case u didnt see it

In case you didn't get to see this post on Puppy Chulo, below is the revised slash updated blog of my original post to include even more of my character's specifics PLUS SCREENCAPS, it is being re-reposted publicly (for the last time, I hope), so you can see it, and maybe reach out to me to talk like you said you wanted to do (evidenced below).




So, by now, a fair amount of you have heard/seen that I've been accused of ripping off someone's character. So, let's clarify some things.

First of all, my character was originally created somewhere around the end of 2005/2006. I had him back on MySpace, first with an Oskar L face, but I changed it to Dylan after he outgrew that face. Early 2016 -- I stand corrected. It was 2017 when I brought him back (to this site | Signup Date: April 17, 2017), I changed his face to G-Eazy. His name also changed from Noel to Julian. I just have a thing for the name Julian, I always have. His story, however, has remained the same. With only minor alterations along the way (as other writers retired or we lost touch after MySpace went down the crapper and sitemodel decided it wanted to turn its back on us). He is a member of a Gypsy troop that runs a travelling circus/carnival - his primary job is working with the animals, keeping the groomed, fed, clean their area, etc. It's not a glamorous job. His family was very magic oriented, and relied heavily on magic (including, but not limited to) spells, potions, salves, charms, etc. They also firmly believed in the afterlife and being able to communicate with them. It was tradition.

When Julian was about twelve years old, his troop was attacked by what seemed to him to be a pack of wolves or rabid dogs. They were werewolves, actually. And he was bitten and turned... but he is unaware of him actually being a werewolf because he blacks out during his episodes. He dabbles in the magic aspect while travelling with his troop, but not for himself or because he likes or believes it. He does it to entertain carnival goers mostly before the show (he sticks mostly to cards - as in, card tricks and card readings). But he will occasionally mess around with 'contacting spirits'. Most of the time, it's a joke to pass the time before a show. Other times, it gets too real for him, too fast. Once in a blue moon, he will get calls, specifically from people that knew his parents, or people that were referred to him by people that knew his parents, for him to communicate with the dead for them. He hates getting these calls, and will put off answering the phone, or calling back (because he lets most calls go to voicemail) because he doesn't want to deal with that. He hardly ever takes on a 'client' if they're not someone his parents met once upon a time. And this is because he doesn't talk about his magic based upbringing. Ever. And he will deny it, if someone he's not familiar with brings it up. Why? Because he's not proud of it. He doesn't necessarily believe this stuff, but he goes along with it because it was how he was brought up.

So, please. If anything else is a problem, you can go ahead and contact me on discord or line to talk about it. And, yes. I have screencaps proving the date my character was first created, including the MySpace page, caps of the text documents I created for this character, etc etc. If me using G-Eazy is the main problem for you, all you have to do is say so and I will gladly switch back to Dylan. The only reason I didn't use Dylan when I brought him to roleplayer.me is because I was/am using Dylan for Ziggy. I mean, seriously, Julian's character details even still have the smile tattoo listed under tattoos.

discord: monsterchild#9112
line: swankfxckinc

Sincerely,
Ziggy Holland / Julian A. Srbiaya-Sahores / KNIFE emoji (not gun emoji)


P.S. - the only reason I added you (or, tried to) and commented your status(es) was because you said you wanted to talk. So, I went to find you to talk. That's it. I can't 'remove all traces of' your character if I don't even know what those traces are. Hence the need for a discussion. I'm not attacking you, I'm not stalking you, and I have no desire to make you uncomfortable on the site. If I did, I'd still be commenting on your things and posting status after status about you. I'm not. Because I am of the belief that the best way to solve a problem is through communication. And the ONLY reason this is public, is because you refuse to talk to me like you claim to want to do, but continue to rant about how I allegedly 'stole' your creation.

~*~*~*CLICK ON THE IMAGE FOR A LARGER PREVIEW*~*~*













04/01/2018 12:12 PM 

happy anniversary, bossbeb

i love you.
to the moon and back.
forever and always.

03/22/2018 03:15 PM 

dear you,

I forgot your name already. Band face. Stringy black hair. I'm not posting your display name because, really, it's nobody's business. I just wanted to say that 'indirect status' wasn't about you, but rather, your friends, with whom I am unable to communicate with because they blocked me for no reason -- when, literally the day before, they were liking my posts and commenting on them. So, really, perhaps you should practice what ~you~ claim to preach. And, if I don't get back to you in a timely manner, just like YOU, it's because I'm heaps busy. It's not like I was shooting you one line answers. My message to you took time and consideration to put together. But, it's fine.

I wish you well on all your future endeavours.
Have a good rest of the day.

-- Z.H.

02/23/2018 11:42 PM 

i'm sorry i didnt wish u a happy new year

i'm sorry. i'm so sorry.
i'd give everything up to go back to that day.
everything. even my own life.
if i could just talk to you
one last time.

happy new year.
i love you.

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