12/03/2022 03:44 PM  the angel baby foundation. Welcome to the launch of the Angel Baby Foundation founded by Aria Winters Aria: Good evening, everyone! Thank y'all so much for joining me tonight. I want everyone to close their eyes. Raise your hand if you've lost a pregnancy or a child. Raise your hand if you know of someone who has lost a pregnancy or a child. You can open them. In the United States, 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage and 1 in 160 pregnancies end in stillbirth. These numbers do not include infant death from preterm labor, diagnosis of life-limiting conditions, or SIDS, which means Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. Did you hear those statitstics? 1 in 4 and 1 in 160. That's an astounding number! Something this common should be talked about more, but unfortunately, that's not the case. Pregnancy or infant loss is a taboo topic, and most are uncomfortable talking about it. But not tonight. Tonight, I have Dr. Shyanne Holt and Lola Solace Tanner speaking about their experiences with pregnany loss. Please, give them a warm welcome. Shyanne: Good evening everyone, I hope you're enjoying the lovely event Aria has put together. When I first reached out to speak, I asked her. "Is this event for children that didn't come to term?" She told me it was for anyone who has lost a child. And I immediately resented asking. As a doctor, I see the pain on women's faces when that terrible news sets in. A child you barely knew but had such a tremendous amount of love for, plans for. That love starts at the second, you find out I believe. I believe that the second you know you're expecting- be it you find out at 2 weeks, 4 weeks, hell 10 weeks. Just because a child didn't come to full term, first or second it's still a lost. That lost hurts and sometimes the pain never goes away. You can blame illnesses, drugs or even tell yourself "If it was meant to be it would have." But the cold truth is, you had something and it's gone. A loss is a loss. For awhile I told myself, I didn't lose a child. I barely tell anyone and this is actually my first time publicly speaking out about it. I told myself, at 4 weeks that this wasn't the time to have a child. I already had one out of marriage and I didn't want my Dad to be ashamed of me. I was partying, convinced myself I didn't need to slow down anytime soon. I didn't want a child then. Of course Tucker disagreed and I told myself, "I'm gonna have a baby." I miscarried two weeks later. I didn't have symptoms, besides being tired but what's new? My child didn't even have legs yet. Let alone fingernails, lips... but all that quickly was taken from me. I felt broken, like why couldn't I do it for them. My child.... To me a loss, is when you had a bond with someone. You know their name, their smile. Something to hold onto, a memory. I didn't know my child's gender. I didn't know if it was a he or she...maybe I would have gotten closure with that. I should have. As a mother, wife..and doctor, I want to remind everyone a loss is a loss. No one's experience is yours and you're valid in feeling any type of way. In the way that you grieve, try again or simply quit. We can all say, "what's meant to be will be." But there's joy in making life and there's joy in making the best out of life. Lola: My name is Lola Solace Tanner, earlier this year my darling husband and I miscarried our first child. It was my first and I was completely nervous about everything, not really what to expect. The day it happened, I remember being in bed and getting really bad cramps. It reminded me of a really bad period but I thought nothing of it because I was sure that the baby was possibly kicking or something. I got out and got a drunken feeling on my way to the bathroom. I fell then hit my head then I woke up in a somewhat of a daze and found my bodyguard holding me up. As I came to, I saw a puddle of blood on the floor with a small fetus by my feet. I just remember crying unconditionally before my bodyguard carried me down the stairs and quickly out to the car, where I was taken to the hospital. They called my husband and a few hours later, he was at my side until I left and was allowed to go home. Right as we got home, I felt disgusted about what happened and losing our only child. I kept thinking that my husband wouldn't ever want to touch me or come near me again, we got into a huge fight and ended up taking some time apart. I went back to Seattle and he stayed in Malibu. We had our moments where I honestly thought, we'd never make it work between us again. As many may know, I already had one failed marriage. Deep down, I didn't want this to fail, I wanted to figure things out. With the support of our friends and family, my husband flew out to Paris to bring me home. It was so strange but we ended up making up in Paris, which I didn't think would happen. And a week into being in Paris, I found out that I was pregnant with our now daughter, Lydia. We cried and cried, due to the blessing that came out of it. Donny and I were blessed with our rainbow baby and are so overjoyed to have her. Ladies, it's okay to go through this. Know that you're not alone and things like this happen but remember you don't have to do it alone, there is help if you ask for it. I'm just thankful for my husband and family who were there for us during that difficult time. I don't know what I would do without them in our lives. Thank you for having me this evening and a shout out to Aria Winters for letting me share my story with you all tonight. I wish you all the best. Aria: I would like to thank both Shyanne and Lola for opening up and sharing their stories with us. They are both strong, remarkable women, and I couldn't be more proud of them. On August 8th, 2020 -- two days after my 29th birthday -- I was awoken from a dead sleep by the sharpest and the most painful pains I had ever had. I remember craddling my big baby belly and crying out in pain. I knew something was wrong. These weren't contractions... these were different. When I pulled back the duvet, it was confirmed. I don't remember much from that moment. It was like I blacked out and the next thing I knew, I was wincing at the bright lights and the beeps from the monitors I was hooked up on. I was surrounded by two of my closest friends and the baby's father. I asked what happened and the room was silent. It was until I yelled for them to tell me that they told me the news. As anyone would expect, I was a mess. I didn't believe it. I was only 36 weeks pregnant, my son was healthy at the last doctor's appointment I went to just days prior. I thought it was some sick joke they were playing on me. But deep down, I knew...I knew what they were saying was true. I begged for the nurses to let me see him and when I held him, it was as if I wasn't looking down at a dead baby. I was looking at my son who was alive and breathing. I was talking to him like he was alive and it wasn't until I had to be snapped out of it that I realized that my baby boy was dead. He was cold and blue... he looked like an angel, as odd as that might sound. No one really knows the kind of pain you feel when you lose a child, in utero or birth. It's like your whole heart has been ripped out of your chest. Losing my son was a dark time in my life. I was severely depressed, I was angry, I was crying, I barely ate. I isolated myself from my friends and my daughter. I had lost myself in the worst way, and there were times where I thought I wasn't going to make it out. But thankfully, I did. I started attending therapy and slowly, very slowly, I felt myself coming back. It's been a little over two years now since my son's passing and I still think about him everyday. The pain doesn't hurt any less than it did on that tragic day, but you find ways to tolerate it. Theodore Hunter Winters would've been two years old right now, and I'm sure he would be the sweetest, wildest little toddler there ever was. I can't thank my friends for helping me and for being super patient with me. I know I wasn't easy most of the time, but y'all didn't let that stop you. And I've got to thank therapy for helping me and for being there for me. If it wasn't for therapy, who knows where I would be right now. And that is the reason why I created the Angel Baby Foundation. The Angel Baby Foundation helping grieving mothers who have lost their child, due to a miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant death. It gives them the opportunity for them to seek a therapist that's right for them with no charge. Not only that, but the Angel Baby Foundation will work with grieving families with funeral arrangements and cover all costs. We're here to make things a lot less stressful during a time where you don't know which way is up. We're here to help, and we even offer therapy sessions for other family members as well. We also accept donations, and if you'd like to make one, there is a table over on the right with a donation box where you can donate how much you see fit. Obviously, it isn't expected, but it is encouraged. Thank y'all so much for joining me tonight as I launch something that I've worked so hard for the past two years. I'm proud of it, and I hope you all are too. Thank you!         0 Comments  Report Post

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07/03/2021 04:52 PM  bare it all - season three, episode one. AW: Hey, y’all! It’s Aria and I’m back with a new episode of Bare It All! Today, I have two very special guests with me, and they happen to be really good friends. I have Mariana Alvarez and my wifey, Adel De Luca! Welcome back! MA: Ah, I’m excited to be here! Hi everyone! AD: Hey, everyone! I'm back again! I can't seem to stay away! AW: So glad y’all are here because today, we’re talking about wedding planning! -cheers and claps her hands excitedly; So for this episode, Adel is the host and Mari and I are the guests, since our weddings are just around the corner. This is very exciting! AD: I'm so excited to welcome these two into the wife club! It's greater than I expected it to be and these two will be fantastic wives! -looks between the two and grins, nodding her head; And that's right, I'm going to see if these two are bridezillas or not. -laughs and rubs her hands together; Let's start off easy - how many guests are you guys expecting? Were you picky or did you go crazy and invite every person you've ever met?! MA: Thank you so much! I can’t wait to be a wife, and I’m sure Aria feels the same! -laughs; As far as guests, I honestly went pretty crazy, I’m not going to lie. Definitely more than I needed. AW: Oh, I can’t wait to be a wife! Everything about it just excites me to no end. -laughs; I definitely invited every person I ever met. Even some I’ve never spoken to before, but they’ve made a name for themselves. You know I’ve always wanted a big wedding, so why not? AD: You hear this, y'all? These two did not come to play on this. I feel like...big is better if that's in line with your dream. After all, it should be one of the greatest days of your life!  MA: I completely agree! If a big wedding is what you want, go for it! It’s your special day.  AD: -raises her champagne and takes a sip before continuing; Let's talk about the dress. I know some sneaky details about Aria's dress, so why don't you go first, Mari? Have you said yes yet? Was there a budget and did you have an idea of what you wanted, or did any surprise you? MA: As far as a dress goes, I’ve kind of looked online to try and gather ideas, but that’s been the extent. -laughs; It’s just tricky because I will be a lot bigger when I get married too. I do have some ideas in mind, so we shall see! I’m hoping to actually go look for a dress soon. Hopefully I find something I really fall in love with. Was it hard for either of you, or did you really just know the dress was the one? AW: -raises her champagne as well and takes a sip; Sorry you can't join us with champagne, but I did get some sparkling juice! -sets it in front of her;  MA: Sparkling juice works for me. -laughs and raises it up before taking a small sip; AW: You haven't went dress shopping yet? -gasps; Girl, you gotta get on that! I see you in a flowy dress with a sweetheart neckline, but that's just me. -smiles; Was it hard? Yes. Did I know the dress was the one? Yes. I had an idea on what I wanted and tried on dresses that met my image, so I got with a designer and they're creating it. -eyes Adel with a smirk; AD: Mari, you're going to be gorgeous in anything you wear. I can't wait to see the little bump on the big day! It's going to be so special. -looks at her with a smile;  MA: I know, I know! I’m horrible. I need to get more on the ball, and thank you, Adel! The little bump is the reason I’ve been slacking more. AD: As for me? Well...with eloping, I ended up wearing this gorgeous black Chanel dress that was in my closet that I hadn't worn yet. We basically got married 12 hours after deciding it was what we wanted, so there wasn't much time. But my legit wedding dress..I originally thought I was going to wear black, but then I fell in love with a champagne dress and never looked back! -takes another sip of her champagne and grins toward Aria; And your dress! Dress shopping was so fun because this crazy had been planning the second she said yes and we were going through magazines and then at the shops. And...yeah, I wonder who could possibly be making your dress...okay! Do you think the dress has been the most stressful part? Are your guys involved with the color suits they want and that sort of thing, or are you running the show? MA: Aria, I bet your dress is absolutely amazing. I cannot wait to see it. And Adel, you always having amazing taste and the pictures I’ve seen were so stunning! I feel like for me, the dress has honestly been the most stressful part. Getting that done. It also took a while to settle of a color scheme, because there are just so many good ones and I am very indecisive. Zach is pretty much letting me run the show - he just wants me to be happy - but he does give input and everything, because like I try to remind him, it’s his day as well. AW: -nods her head; I’d have to agree with Mari. The dress was easier than the color scheme because I kept going back and forth and then once I settled on a color scheme, I found something else that I liked, so I forced myself to go ahead and send the invites out so I had something solid and concrete and I couldn’t change my mind. -chuckles; Yeah, I’m basically running the show. He’ll give me his input every now and then, but I pretty much have to ask him to give me his thoughts. Otherwise, I don’t think he’d care how the wedding turned out. He says it’s my day, but I tell him it’s his day, too. I did tell him that he’s in charge of getting the suits handled, so we’ll see how that goes. AD: It's such an exciting time and stressful, but I'm sure it'll be worth the wait! After we eloped, Jordan wanted me to still have the wedding experience, and we looked over colors and things like that, and he was very vocal. -laughs; But when does he ever shut his mouth? It all worked out for us in how we ditched it all together. I can't wait to see how it all comes together for you both. I love how getting married is so universal, but each couple is unique and makes it their own. Those men are lucky to have such lovely ladies like yourselves. Also, wife, if you need me to kick Hunter in the ass...I gladly will.  AW: Your wedding dress was beautiful, Adel. I don’t think I’ve seen you that happy in my entire life. -chuckles; And yes, just kick his ass for the hell of it. -laughs; AD: Okay! What about the wedding party process? Do you have any of those family 'obligation' wedding party members, or did you give yourself a limit? Has anyone been salty and how do you handle it? AW: Surprisingly, no one’s been salty. I don’t have family, so I don’t have to worry about it and I’m making Hunter’s mom as involved as I can be. She’s like a mom to me, so it’s been fun gushing and planning a bit with her. But with the wedding party, it was a no brainer that I wanted the people closest to me to be by my side. I have a lot of friends, but only a very few that I’m close with. So I knew I wanted to have you and Grace as my bridesmaids. You were a no brainer. I’ve said it years ago that when I get married, you’re the maid of honor. It was a given.  AD: Girl, it's a total honor to be your maid of honor! I love you so much and we're family forever. I also think it's lovely of you to include your future mother-in-law in as much as you can. Typically there's a larger focus on the bride, so I'm sure it's extra special for her given she's the mother of the groom. AW: Thank you. I love you too, wifey. -grins; I just love Rose. She’s been amazing and so welcoming from the start. It’s hard not to love her. -laughs softly; I’m eager to hear about Mari’s experience. MA: Aria, that is honestly so special and amazing that you have that bond with her. Not everyone gets that, so that really cool! -smiles at Aria before turning her attention to Adel for a moment, nodding; The wedding party process has honestly been pretty easy for me as well! No one has been salty and there hasn’t been any obligations as far as family. Like Aria, it was kind of a no brainer who I wanted up there on the big day. I also have plenty of friends, but only a few I’m really close to. It’s crazy how emotional I get when thinking about all of this - in a good way. It is all just so exciting. AD: -looks to Mari and smiles; You're a doll and it's okay to be emotional! It's an emotional time that's going to be one of the most important times in your life. Speaking of emotions...has the extra stress caused either of you to be not so nice? To your grooms? Venders? Friends? Family? Are you extra sensitive or are you just on the whole...my way or the highway with people? I know relying on others for events and things can be a challenge, but I know for a wedding it could be amped up. AW: Yes, of course it has! I mean, you know me, Adel. When I want something done my way, I’m going to be a bitch about until I know that it’s being done. As for vendors, I have amazing friends that have graciously agreed to cater my wedding as a wedding gift, so I’m very grateful for that. But they better know that I’m still writing them a check for it. MA: I guess you are so right. It is an emotional, special time. And I definitely believe that about you, Aria! You like things completely in order and how you want, and you’ll stop at nothing until it happens. Something I admire about you and wish I had more of. Adel, I feel like you can be kind of the same, but I could be wrong! For me, honestly, I haven’t really been mean or anything. I honestly think it can be so hard for me to actually be mean. Even with this. I think I just don’t want the added stress, so I just try to stay as zen as possible and trust that everything will be okay. AD: I totally need order and things to come out how I envision them or I won't do something at all. I don't believe in short cuts. -laughs; My label maker is one of my favorite things and our pantry is labeled and color coded. My husband loves to make fun of my OCD when it comes to things like that, but it makes sense to me - it flows! I'm all about spreadsheets and flower arrangements being balanced down to food being on theme with a party. I'm wild, but that's fun to me! -switches gears; Okay. You guys are doing well on the bridezilla scale...within reason when it comes to Aria. Mari, you're definitely the zen one, which is good for the little on the way. What about kids at the wedding? We know garden girl is an exception, but what about other kiddos? A lot of weddings aren't about them. AW: I’m all for having kids at the wedding. It’s a celebration and as long as they’re respectful and not loud and keep their hands to themselves during the ceremony, we’re good. Besides, I have a lot of friends with kids, so it’d be rude and ridiculous to say they could come. It’s optional. Bring them or don’t. It’s not one of my worries. Though Eden would get bored being around nothing but adults. She does that on the daily, to be honest. So, kids at a wedding is fine with me. MA: I am very much okay with kids at the wedding! Like Aria said, I have a few friends with kids, so it would be kind of mean to leave them out since I do adore them. As long as they aren’t overly acting out, it’s fine by me. But I will warn that the reception might get a bit crazy. So that will be up to the parents whether they want their kids there or not for that! -laughs; I just want everyone to have a great time. AW: Yes! The reception will have alcohol and adult songs, so…. -chuckles; Eden will be staying for most of it, though. AD: That's fair! I figure whatever works best, but we know a lot of people with kids, so I get it. It's like one big, extended family. Gonna switch gears to finish up - what about the food? The cake? I missed out on all the tasting parts for our wedding, but me and Jordan decided a little while ago we were going to make a wedding cake for a date night coming up. We take reality baking shows seriously in our house. -chuckles; I'll take pictures, don't worry!  AW: I know how y’all get over baking shows. Very competitive in the De Luca household, that’s for sure. -laughs; MA: All the competitiveness! I think that is really cute that you and Jordan plan to do that soon, Adel! What an amazing little experience. AD: Thank you! We're all about doing new things. Did you and your guys have the same vision? Do your venues offer catering? Or did you go private? Will you save the top layer of your cakes for your one year anniversary? Do people still do that? AW: You wanna know what Hunter said about the food and the cake? -mimics his voice; “Whatever you want, babe. I’m just along for the ride.” -laughs; Like that’s helpful. But I’ve basically been telling him what we’re having and he’s cool with that. The venue did offer catering, but we paid a little extra to have our own food catered to the wedding. Y’all will love the food, I can assure you. And I think I will. You know me, I love a good wedding tradition, so why not? I’ll save it. MA: Zach and I have pretty much agreed on everything, so things have been really easy in that department.  You could say we share the same vision. We are going private for our food, just because we want certain things! I can’t wait to eat like all of the food at your wedding, Aria. But don’t worry, you can pay me back at mine. -laughs; I believe the two of us will probably keep up with that tradition. I think it’s a neat tradition, and who doesn’t like cake? AD: I can't wait for the food! I know you both have great taste, so it'll be a fun time for sure. I think that brings us to the fun now? The party. Any hints on what to expect for the reception? What's your take on dance choreography? I for one can't wait for the toasts. I'm emotional already to give my speech. And sparklers. Please be on team sparkles! AW: I think dance choreography can be really fun. I saw this video of a bride and her bridesmaids dancing a choreographic routine to WAP and I was like, “That’s me!” -laughs; But as far as I know, no one’s doing that and I, personally, don’t have the time for it. But I am definitely team sparklers. I mean, how can I not? They’re so pretty and it’ll be a great send off for us, so I can’t wait to see how the pictures turn out. Oh, speaking of pictures, no phones at the ceremony! You’re not ruining the pictures by having your phone out. Nope. Not happening. MA: Oh my god, I saw that video too! I love a good dance routine. With things like concerts and music videos, I’ve gotten quite used to them as well. Toasts are always so emotional, I swear. I’m ready but then I’m not ready for all of that! My makeup will definitely have to be waterproof - for both of these weddings. As for sparklers, they are amazing for a great little send off. I always find that to be so pretty. And Aria, I definitely agree with the phone thing! I am definitely having signs and it even announced that no phones are to be out. That is what photographers are for. AD: I'm more of the ballet type, so there's no damn way I'd be any good at any of those routines! I'm always dancing around the house or around you guys, but for crowds like that? No thank you! -laughs, shaking her head; I think it's safe to say you both are far from bridezilla and will have the most beautiful weddings of your dreams. I'm so very happy for you both and can't wait to celebrate you. Thanks for letting me host, wife! This was so much fun! AW: -laughs softly; This was fun, and you know you’re coming back for another episode at some point, so this won’t be the last we get to hear from you. And Mari, thanks so much for coming and chatting all about wedding planning — the good and the bad. Your wedding is going to be a beautiful and you’re going to be a beautiful bride. MA: This has been so fun! Of course. I loved doing this with the two of you. Thank you both so, so much. Aria, I hope your big day is everything you’ve ever dreamed of! I cannot wait to be there. I know it’ll be amazing...and you both better save me a dance at the two weddings! -laughs; 0 Comments  Report Post

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06/21/2021 05:21 PM  unleash the crazy. ( drabble ) "WESTIN ARRESTED......involved in a brawl....controlled substance...multiple strippers..." Pure rage filled the blonde as her eyes scanned the TMZ article that was displayed on her phone. Her fiance was already on thin ice when he went to the strip club, but this? This was sending her over the edge. Her breathing became ragged and her hands became shaky, which caused the phone to drop from it and land on the floor with a pang.  Aria was keeping it together at her bridal shower the day before, the idea of Hunter even being in a strip club the night before hitting a nerve. It was a good ting her friends kept her distracted most of the day, otherwise, she would have already lost it. But this....this was the final straw. She stopped holding back her rage and she let it consume her. She found herself storming up the stairs quickly, thankful her daughter dozed off for a nap after playing outside all morning. She stormed into their bedroom, immediately going to the closet. She began ripping his clothes off the hangers, piling the random articles of clothing in her arms. She wasn't being logical, there was no time for it. She was acting out of anger and hurt and disappointment, and she knew her feelings were justified. Opening the door to the balcony that was connected to their master bedroom, she threw his clothes out in the yard, walking back to get more. He wanted to act like an idiot, so could she. She wasn't thinking about anything at this point, and it didn't occur to her that she already had hot tears streaming down her face. Everything she ever dreamed of for the future came crashing down. The happy life she knew she'd have with Hunter, the family they would create and have already created from that started to feel like a lie. Throwing his sh*t out in the yard may have been dramatic, but that's just who she was. She could have very well been overreacting -- she didn't know the full story. As her therapist would say: "Know all the facts before you react." But how could she? Every time she tried to call him, it went straight to voicemail.  She was now in the kitchen, dialing his number over and over again, but continued to get his voicemail every time. "Oh, so you're not answering my calls?? That's fine, then!" She let out a petty laugh. "Did you enjoy yourself? Being surrounded by strippers who I'm sure were touching all over you and giving you the show of your life! I'm sure you loved it..being all coked out that you get into fights that got you arrested? Like who f***ing are you right now?! We're supposed to be getting married in less than a month and THIS is how you're acting?? Like some f***ing delinquent....like your old self. If that's who you wanna be, then I want nothing to do with that guy. You hear me?! You can find your own place to sleep when you get home because you're sure as hell not coming here. Eden...remember her? Your daughter? She doesn't need to see it. She doesn't need to see us fighting and screaming at each other, so just don't bother! It's pretty clear that you didn't think about us when you were living your best life." Her words were full of venom and sarcasm, clearly showing how hurt she was.  "I hope you enjoyed it, I really do. I hope it was worth losing the two best f***ing things you've ever had in your life!" Aria frantically ended the call and fell to the floor, her emotions completely taking over her. These next few weeks were supposed to be the happiest time of her life, and now....now she wasn't sure what she was going to do. The big wedding she had always dreamed of and planned was now in question. How could she go through it feeling this way? Could they even make it through this? She didn't know.  At this point, she wasn't sure of anything.  Her future as Mrs. Aria Westin was on the line. What was she going to do? 0 Comments  Report Post

02/19/2021 10:55 PM  the letter. ( drabble. ) They say there was always light at the end of a very dark tunnel.    But those words couldn't be further from the truth for Aria Winters. Nope, far from it.    After losing her son six months ago, she was starting to get to a place where she could say that she was 'okay' and meant it. The pain was still there, of course -- it would always be there, but she was slowly coming out of the fourth stage of grief: depression. She could finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. It was there, it was calling to her. She knew there would still be hard days down the road, but she was prepared.    But what she wasn't prepared for was what the letter contained.   The letter Jolene personally delivered to her just mere days from her evital death. She had been cleaning out drawers, throwing old papers and knick knacks away when she stumbled upon the letter she so stubbornly shoved into the drawer those eight months ago and never thought about again. Until it was dangling in front of her like a carrot. She wasn't sure how long she stared at the white envelope that had her name imprinted on the front: ARIA. No cursive writing, no fancy penmanship, no indication that the person Jolene wrote this for had any meaning to her life. But then again, Aria was already over-analyzing what the letter would be. Full of sh*t? More of her lies? Or would she actually do the decent thing and actually tell the truth for once?    The truth....was a funny thing. It could bring a sense of relief, or cause more damage to one's soul that was already broken from the start.   The blonde wasn't sure what to expect when she finally managed to tear open the envelope perfectly, making sure it wasn't ripped. She was sat in her living room on the couch, Eden playing outside in the backyard while Hunter watched over her while she did some tidying up. She rubbed her sweaty palms against her jeans as her nerves became more apparent. Why was she nervous? She hated the bitch. But maybe that was the reason. She hated her so much that she was nervous to know what was inside.    She was stalling; she finished off her glass of wine and went to the kitchen to pour herself another -- this time, bringing the wine bottle with her. She would probably need it.    Taking a deep breath, she opened the letter, forcing her eyes to not scan it before reading.   "Aria,   I know this is the last thing you expect me to do, but I'm dying in a couple of days, so why not go out doing the unexpected? There's a lot I could say, a lot of truths that need to be told, a lot of lies that you were made to believe throughout your childhood that I thought you should know before my body was cold and buried six feet down. You're a mother now; a whole lot better mother than I ever was or even could think of being. So, it's time for you to know the truth. Me? Telling the truth? Hell musta really froze over, but although these are the truth, it's up to you to decide what ya want to do with them.    I'm not one to sugarcoat anything, but I have two major things to tell you. They will both punch ya in the gut, which ain't a shock.   I'm not gonna soften the blow on this one, but I thought you should know your daddy didn't kill himself. He was murdered...."   MURDERED?!   That fact ( or lie ) shook her. She was fuming with anger and tears were threatening to spill over. Her hands were shaking and she inhaled deep, shaky breaths. Ever since her thirteen year old self found her father's dead body lying on the kitchen floor with a bullet through his brain in their trailer, everyone told her he had killed himself. And she believed it. She wiped away the hot tears as she continued to read.    "You read that right. He was murdered. Bo fed you this lie that everything was fine, that he was the king of the castle and you were his princess that he would spoil every chance he got. But did you ever think how he managed to get that bike you wanted for Christmas? Or that easy bake oven you annoyingly begged for for months on end? He was in a shady business that you were way too young to know about. A business where if one betrayed the other, it usually ended up in death. That's exactly what happened to your daddy. He wanted nothing more than to make you happy, to portray himself as a good man, one that had to work three jobs just to pay the bills. But he was far from that, A. You ate that sh*t up and it was comical to see. But you were a kid after all, so I guess you didn't know better.    The stealing, the betrayals, and the lying got the better of him. All because you had to have a f***ing bike. He was in a dangerous business and it was only a matter of time before the guys he worked for figured it out. Or...maybe someone anonymously left a tip and it all stemmed from there? Who knows. But yeah, Bo didn't kill himself. He was too prideful for that. He was murdered. Don't believe me? Visit Rusty Rogers the next time you're in Nashville. He's the one who pulled the trigger and blew your daddy's head. But be careful, he's still as dangerous and trigger happy as ever. I'm sure you won't have any problems, though. Rusty has a soft spot for Winters women."   Aria felt sick to her stomach, she could have easily thrown up. She could hear the smugness in Jolene's voice and the taunting way she wrote this out. It made her sick. Her breaths were staggered and vision was blurry; she knew she should stop reading, but what was the point? She already made it this far.   "Now, on to some more tragic news...or it could be happy news! However you see fit, I don't really care. But....SURPRISE!! You're adopted!!! Ain't ya glad I'm not any blood relation to you? You must be relieved. You never liked me and the feeling was mutual. I wasn't made to be a mother. I didn't want to be one. My biology helped me out by not making me able to have kids, hence why I'm dying of ovarian cancer. Which, by the way, you don't need to get checked because we ain't actually related. You ever wonder why there weren't any pictures of you in my belly? Telling you I lost them seemed like the easier option.   Your daddy wanted a kid though and when I told him I couldn't give him any, he hated me. Like it was something I could control? Anyway, he forced me to go with him and act like we were the happiest couple whose lives were over cause we couldn't have kids the natural way and that's when he saw you. Personally, I thought he woulda picked a boy but he picked you. You were only a few weeks old and they had called you Aria, so we stuck with it. It was a cute name. Jane is his mom's name. She never liked me. If you're wondering, no, she ain't alive.    So yeah, you're adopted. I'm not your mom. I'm sure your actual mom is a million times better than me and I hope she is. Ya know....besides the whole giving you up for adoption thing.    If you wish to look into her and meet her, have at it! I shoulda done this sooner. Her name is Caroline Buchanon, used to be Caroline Abbott at the time she gave ya up. From good ole Georgia but I think she lives in New York now. Owns a dance studio. At least that's what my husband's PI told me.    That's all I have for you. Do with this information as you see fit. You can burn the letter, tell me to go to hell ( which I'm probably already there ), and never believe what I just said. But if you do, then I'm not sorry for telling you. You needed to know.    Take care. Give those babies a hug for me.   Jo."   By the end of the letter, all the blonde was seeing was red; nothing but RED. There were so many emotions overwhelming her at once, she just wanted it all to stop. The pain that she had worked so hard through came back full throttle. She couldn't breathe and she was panicking. It was all too much for her.    Hunter came running inside the house frantically after she screamed, the same painful scream that haunted him every day since waking up to it in the middle of that night, blood soaking the white sheets. Hearing her scream like that triggered him, taking him back to that night he so desperately wanted to block from his mind. "What's wrong?! Aria, what's wrong?!" He yelled in a panic, kneeling down to a now sobbing Aria on the floor.    His words fell deaf to her ears, though she could sense the panic in his voice and actions. She felt horrible for making him worry, she felt horrible for screaming the way she did. She couldn't breathe. She kept gasping for breaths and she could feel a panic attack coming on. Between the sobs, the tears, and the trouble breathing, she was surprised she could even find her voice. "That f***ing bitch!" Breath. "I hate her!" Another breath. "I f***ing.." Hiccup, "hate her!"   She wasn't okay. Just when she thought she had approached the light, it was like life laughed at her and threw her a curveball.    "I'm not okay..." she said in between ragged breaths, her boyfriend holding her as tight as she could, shushing her softly to get her to calm down.    Even when she was dead, Jolene sure knew how to make her life a living hell.   She wasn't okay, and she needed help. She was drowning, and she wasn't sure if she would be able to come up for air.   "I'm not okay..."  0 Comments  Report Post

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