Aria: Good evening, everyone! Thank y'all so much for joining me tonight. I want everyone to close their eyes. Raise your hand if you've lost a pregnancy or a child. Raise your hand if you know of someone who has lost a pregnancy or a child. You can open them. In the United States, 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage and 1 in 160 pregnancies end in stillbirth. These numbers do not include infant death from preterm labor, diagnosis of life-limiting conditions, or SIDS, which means Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. Did you hear those statitstics? 1 in 4 and 1 in 160. That's an astounding number! Something this common should be talked about more, but unfortunately, that's not the case. Pregnancy or infant loss is a taboo topic, and most are uncomfortable talking about it. But not tonight. Tonight, I have Dr. Shyanne Holt and Lola Solace Tanner speaking about their experiences with pregnany loss. Please, give them a warm welcome.


Shyanne: Good evening everyone, I hope you're enjoying the lovely event Aria has put together. When I first reached out to speak, I asked her. "Is this event for children that didn't come to term?" She told me it was for anyone who has lost a child. And I immediately resented asking. As a doctor, I see the pain on women's faces when that terrible news sets in. A child you barely knew but had such a tremendous amount of love for, plans for. That love starts at the second, you find out I believe. I believe that the second you know you're expecting- be it you find out at 2 weeks, 4 weeks, hell 10 weeks. Just because a child didn't come to full term, first or second it's still a lost. That lost hurts and sometimes the pain never goes away. You can blame illnesses, drugs or even tell yourself "If it was meant to be it would have." But the cold truth is, you had something and it's gone. A loss is a loss. For awhile I told myself, I didn't lose a child. I barely tell anyone and this is actually my first time publicly speaking out about it. I told myself, at 4 weeks that this wasn't the time to have a child. I already had one out of marriage and I didn't want my Dad to be ashamed of me. I was partying, convinced myself I didn't need to slow down anytime soon. I didn't want a child then. Of course Tucker disagreed and I told myself, "I'm gonna have a baby." I miscarried two weeks later. I didn't have symptoms, besides being tired but what's new? My child didn't even have legs yet. Let alone fingernails, lips... but all that quickly was taken from me. I felt broken, like why couldn't I do it for them. My child.... To me a loss, is when you had a bond with someone. You know their name, their smile. Something to hold onto, a memory. I didn't know my child's gender. I didn't know if it was a he or she...maybe I would have gotten closure with that. I should have. As a mother, wife..and doctor, I want to remind everyone a loss is a loss. No one's experience is yours and you're valid in feeling any type of way. In the way that you grieve, try again or simply quit. We can all say, "what's meant to be will be." But there's joy in making life and there's joy in making the best out of life.


Lola: My name is Lola Solace Tanner, earlier this year my darling husband and I miscarried our first child. It was my first and I was completely nervous about everything, not really what to expect. The day it happened, I remember being in bed and getting really bad cramps. It reminded me of a really bad period but I thought nothing of it because I was sure that the baby was possibly kicking or something. I got out and got a drunken feeling on my way to the bathroom. I fell then hit my head then I woke up in a somewhat of a daze and found my bodyguard holding me up. As I came to, I saw a puddle of blood on the floor with a small fetus by my feet. I just remember crying unconditionally before my bodyguard carried me down the stairs and quickly out to the car, where I was taken to the hospital. They called my husband and a few hours later, he was at my side until I left and was allowed to go home. Right as we got home, I felt disgusted about what happened and losing our only child. I kept thinking that my husband wouldn't ever want to touch me or come near me again, we got into a huge fight and ended up taking some time apart. I went back to Seattle and he stayed in Malibu. We had our moments where I honestly thought, we'd never make it work between us again. As many may know, I already had one failed marriage. Deep down, I didn't want this to fail, I wanted to figure things out. With the support of our friends and family, my husband flew out to Paris to bring me home. It was so strange but we ended up making up in Paris, which I didn't think would happen. And a week into being in Paris, I found out that I was pregnant with our now daughter, Lydia. We cried and cried, due to the blessing that came out of it. Donny and I were blessed with our rainbow baby and are so overjoyed to have her. Ladies, it's okay to go through this. Know that you're not alone and things like this happen but remember you don't have to do it alone, there is help if you ask for it. I'm just thankful for my husband and family who were there for us during that difficult time. I don't know what I would do without them in our lives. Thank you for having me this evening and a shout out to Aria Winters for letting me share my story with you all tonight. I wish you all the best.


Aria: I would like to thank both Shyanne and Lola for opening up and sharing their stories with us. They are both strong, remarkable women, and I couldn't be more proud of them. On August 8th, 2020 -- two days after my 29th birthday -- I was awoken from a dead sleep by the sharpest and the most painful pains I had ever had. I remember craddling my big baby belly and crying out in pain. I knew something was wrong. These weren't contractions... these were different. When I pulled back the duvet, it was confirmed. I don't remember much from that moment. It was like I blacked out and the next thing I knew, I was wincing at the bright lights and the beeps from the monitors I was hooked up on. I was surrounded by two of my closest friends and the baby's father. I asked what happened and the room was silent. It was until I yelled for them to tell me that they told me the news. As anyone would expect, I was a mess. I didn't believe it. I was only 36 weeks pregnant, my son was healthy at the last doctor's appointment I went to just days prior. I thought it was some sick joke they were playing on me. But deep down, I knew...I knew what they were saying was true. I begged for the nurses to let me see him and when I held him, it was as if I wasn't looking down at a dead baby. I was looking at my son who was alive and breathing. I was talking to him like he was alive and it wasn't until I had to be snapped out of it that I realized that my baby boy was dead. He was cold and blue... he looked like an angel, as odd as that might sound. No one really knows the kind of pain you feel when you lose a child, in utero or birth. It's like your whole heart has been ripped out of your chest. Losing my son was a dark time in my life. I was severely depressed, I was angry, I was crying, I barely ate. I isolated myself from my friends and my daughter. I had lost myself in the worst way, and there were times where I thought I wasn't going to make it out. But thankfully, I did. I started attending therapy and slowly, very slowly, I felt myself coming back. It's been a little over two years now since my son's passing and I still think about him everyday. The pain doesn't hurt any less than it did on that tragic day, but you find ways to tolerate it. Theodore Hunter Winters would've been two years old right now, and I'm sure he would be the sweetest, wildest little toddler there ever was. I can't thank my friends for helping me and for being super patient with me. I know I wasn't easy most of the time, but y'all didn't let that stop you. And I've got to thank therapy for helping me and for being there for me. If it wasn't for therapy, who knows where I would be right now.

And that is the reason why I created the Angel Baby Foundation. The Angel Baby Foundation helping grieving mothers who have lost their child, due to a miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant death. It gives them the opportunity for them to seek a therapist that's right for them with no charge. Not only that, but the Angel Baby Foundation will work with grieving families with funeral arrangements and cover all costs. We're here to make things a lot less stressful during a time where you don't know which way is up. We're here to help, and we even offer therapy sessions for other family members as well. We also accept donations, and if you'd like to make one, there is a table over on the right with a donation box where you can donate how much you see fit. Obviously, it isn't expected, but it is encouraged.

Thank y'all so much for joining me tonight as I launch something that I've worked so hard for the past two years. I'm proud of it, and I hope you all are too. Thank you!