It's not a very big word. A word perhaps so many pass over in a sentence with no real thought of the implications behind it. Something loosely, taken for granted?
When i think of this word, I think of you.
Oh yes!
Many would mock me, maybe rightly so, for we share no blood, no real family ties, its all just one big lie.
Then why do i struggle so? There a saying 'the ties of blood are what bind us' I've never heard of anything so ignorant!
So this, whatever this is, is about you, my Brother, Thor.
The Golden child! The one whom carry's all of Asgards hopes upon his shoulders! The Mighty Thor!
And here i sit, the misunderstood pathetic, adopted younger brother, pitied and gifted to a life, by Odin to walk in your Shadow.... Ironic!
Ironic how meaningless these words seam, when you force yourself to be honest.
Remember a simpler time? A time when we would sit together for hours and just laugh. Always beside each other in any new adventure we would strive to take? Remember our childhood?
How i loved you Brother! Every moment we spent together, each secret we shared, just you and I?
And yet, you don't understand, how could you? When I'm not sure I even do!
You have no idea Brother! No idea at all! My rage, my frustration, hate. Why i feel the way I do. I've mastered the mask's i wear well.
Oh, I've let them all think many things, watching my careless even cocky ways.
Seaming unperturbed by anything, anyone would say.
After all it can't be worse then the life I have endured right?
Truth is, it doesn't stop the tears from flowing in my mind. Tears shed with the truths I have shared with you, and you with me.
Sorrow over the years we have both mastered well to hide, playing our roles like a duty that is just to be expected.
Do you know what it's like, trying to let that go? The years we shared growing up sharing everything go? To have it severed in one big lie!
Oh yes! there is anger! Resentment and spite.
Masks used to convoy emotions I'd rather hide!
Tears of frustration that flow within my mind behind the smirk of amusement i paint upon my face.
What is a Brother? A big Brother?
The one you admire most. The one who matters the most.
The one you want others to think your worthy of following in his shoes, the one you aspire to be seen just as good as.
Does it matter if it was a big lie? If he's not blood. No!
Those words mean nothing!
They do not give justice to feelings felt. The admiration, pride and self worth you feel at being his younger Brother.
They give no meaning to a crushed heart dealing daily with thoughts of it all being ripped away. A Nightmare! One, i can't forget.
And yes at times i might have run. Walked away, hidden when i can no longer hide the tears of my frustration behind a facade of masks.
But that is my doom.
A burden, without you in it, has no point.
You! My Brother are my Burden of Glorious Purpose!
Why i will fight a Battle i can never win and why i will never give up fighting!
If you believe in anything Brother.... believe in this. Believe in my anger, my wraith, my love, my glorious burden!
Trust my rage Brother....Believe in me.
