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Mental Health Drabble
How does Kian handle his mental health…
I’m not so sure that is question anyone can answer, including Kian.
Kian has a very traumatic past full of horror stories of abuse, and clinically, he would most likely be continuously described as being a cruel, careless, short-tempered, manipulative, moraless and slightly unreasonable individual. Possibly a sociopath. Though he shows little to no regard for other people in general, Kian does on rare occasions feel a slight sense of guilt and remorse for some of his actions, he just does not show it. For someone who has never been shown love or affection and had it beat into them that they were not worthy of love, eventually deems themselves unlovable. This in turn causes them to develop very unhealthy coping mechanisms in order to protect themselves while hurting others. Kian has no idea how to heal or how to allow himself to feel anything at all. He does have emotions, very choatic, extremely intense ones when they are provoked.
Years of humiliation and physical/emotional abuse at the hands of those meant to protect him are the ingredients that make a monster. He was let down by the justice system, and mentally mutalated at the hands of foster families. That coupled with his biological parent’s inability or will to care for them (Kian and his twin sister Keylee) and instead abandoning them was a betrayal that Kian has never been able to overcome. What really f***ed him up mentally, was his inability to protect his twin sister Key’s from the abuse done by their long term foster father. This failure remains the catalyst that provokes Kian's self-sabotaging behaviors and forever fuels his internal rage that often surfaces in despicable ways. Vengeful and power-hungry, he will stop at nothing to achieve his ends and remove those who stand in his way.
Kian refuses to trust anyone aside from his sister Key’s, convinced no one does anything with good intentions, and he will never allow himself to be set up for disappointment. Every new person or situation he encounters will be overthought and analysed. Kian will mull over every possible motive and bad intention this individual may have, spending hours imagining all the different ways they are plotting against him and all the possible outcomes of those conjured up ideas. This is why Kian always places the person’s usefulness before pleasure and will usually only keep people around while they suit his needs and then they are discarded.
There is a truly sadistic side to Kian, notably when he deals with people that he feels have crossed him or his sister. Once he believes someone has committed some sort of treason against either one of them, that person will suffer a slow and painful demise, usually in the form of Kian setting out to ruin their lives, hell bent on burning them until they are nothing more than a mere pile of ash. This is usually carried out in the form of blackmail that ultimately leads to them virtually being erased. Kian is a skilled investigator and will find anything damaging that is out there to use against a nemesis. He is so savage that even if the victim succumbs to his demands, he often will still follow through with the plot of their demise. It depends on how sever he has deemed their crime. He does this by way of slaughtering their reputation publicly, exposing all their dirty little secrets, sometimes setting them up to get caught in compromising positions. He will use anything, ensuring that they lose their job, completely decimate their relationships with friends, their spouses, family…even including their children. Kian shows no mercy, punishing them from behind the scenes and reveling in his victory to the very end, until they are in complete ruin, left with nothing, He can sometimes be cold and ill-mannered, and he is also not above using children in his schemes, but he hates people in general who mistreat or abuse their children; due to how he was mistreated and abused by his foster Father. This is also why Kian shows such an intolerance for children, he doesn’t want them around, afraid he will see the same pain in their eyes that no one saw in his.
Kian is meticulous with his sense of self-preservation. Whenever he is in a situation where he knows he might not come out on top, he reveals information that keeps his enemies from attempting any form of retaliation. Kian will even hurt those he doesn’t set out to purposly harm, seeing them as nothing more than collateral damage in his quest for revenge. Kian rarely gets made a fool out of and doesn't like to be made a fool out of either. He is nearly impossible to catch off guard as he is highly intelligent, intensely calculating, and always thinks of contingencies. He secretly admits that he makes mistakes and learns from them as well, but he is always two steps ahead of his enemies. Obviously, he is not a very forgiving person and despite being manipulative, he does not like being lied to. He does not take being betrayed very well, especially if it is someone that he may have taken a liking to.
While he might seem like all gloom and doom, Kian does however have a sarcastic sense of humor and is capable of having a good time once in a while. He is sarcastic even towards the only person he cares about, his sister, and can on rare occassions even be known joke around with others he has come to tolerate. Kian’s hunger for power and ruthless displays that portray a lack of empathy or compassion truly are just ways that he hides a deep fear of being alone forever, believing he truly is unlovable. Everything he does is simply his mind’s instinctive defense system, entrusted to keep him from ever feeling the pain of rejection and worthlessness ever again. This all stems from the trauma of his abusive childhood.
Even if he is cruel, he still has a part of humanity which is shown when he is overly protective of Key’s and does have some compassionate moments of vulnerability with her. He is very possessive and jealous and sometimes in a very dangerous way, that is the only evidence you might find that proves he likes you. All Kian truly wants is for people in general, to be loyal to him and respect him of their own free will, but he won’t allow that to happen. He is his own worst enemy in that regard. Although he puts up a tough demeanor, deep down in that cold black soul of his, he cares and wants to believe he is capable of love and being loved, he just needs someone to show him how, to convince him to let them break through those fortress walls forged around him.
So how does he cope with his mental health…he doesn’t, he just let’s his demons run loose while he attempts to harness their evil for his own gain.
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