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08/31/2023 12:20 PM 

silence speaks.

i got this phone call in the middle of the night. outside the windows, the wind was howling like a motherf***er. who the hells is calling? no one knows im here...

ring...ring...ring..

damien, it's your mother

what? you're dead-

im alive and kicking, don't you see?

the f***? it's not real. ive been sober for over five years

sober? you? only in your dreams.

ah f***


indeed. damien was dreaming of his dead mother. the neon vegas sign outside his window kept blinking on and off like it was having a f***in' seizure. sh*t, at this rate, it was going to give him one! his groaning, and mumbling echoed inside his brain. even his breathing bothered him tonight. the AC in the unit didn't do sh*t. it made noise of a functioning machine but nothing cool came from it. f*** this. he paid fifty dollars extra for it and yet, his face was a sweaty mess including his white tshirt and sweatpants. a very casual-looking outfit for a vegas business trip.

out of the f***in' nowhere, loud banging abruptly disturbed his peace of mind coming from his door. he didn't answer. the banging continued and something funny happened, he recognized who was knocking at his damn door in the middle of the night. 

"DAMIEN?! ITS ME!" the voice cracked through the sudden silence of his thoughts. for the first time since he got here, damien could only hear the voice outside. "OPEN UP! I know you're in there!!" The familiar squeaky voice shivered outside. 
ain't no f***in' way. 
the annoying voice inside his brain erupted with visions of his past. laughs, cries, and annoyance followed. 
this is not happening. yet it was. he wasn't dreaming, this was no dream. this was real! he quickly got up and stumbled to the door, he swung it wide open and there she was. his baby annoying f***in' sister.

"What in the actual f*** are you doing here?!"

how did she even know where the f*** he was? he did everything to stay under the radar! 
"I tracked you,"
her bubble gum popped next to his ears as she passed him by. her big ass purse slapped him too. 
"your phone, dumbass. you got an iphone, easiest thing to track since crack on pipe, anybody can do it,"
he quickly went back in time to when he wanted to throw his dumb phone over the Malibu' hills. let the fishes have it but yet, he didn't. he had lovely pictures of people he wanted to constantly see when he couldn't talk to them. 
"f*** my life, you annoying little sh*t," he groaned, the sweat around his neck seemed to be the least of his concerns. f*** you, AC. 
"What do you want? haven't you ruined my life enough?" he glared, his tall frame standing by the bathroom, his eyes glued to her. she's real. f***!

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06/20/2022 11:23 PM 

Can’t fix me.

Father’s Day hit different this year. Damien Waltz knew he couldn’t pretend sh*t was okay. He couldn’t keep pretending life was normal without his children. But he did the right thing, right? He did the honorable thing? Right? He did what any person in their right mind, do? Right? Right. He assured himself on the daily that his decision to give up his children back to their mother was for the best. Even if it meant solitude. And pain. Yeah, he was in pain every single day since their departure. There wasn’t a single day they didn’t cross his mind. Even a walk around the neighborhood broke his heart. They were part of his life and letting go wasnt as easy. But, he accepted his fate. They needed their mother, too and even if he only got to see them occasionally, Damien knew he couldn’t raise them the same way she could. Plus, he still praise her grace. One day, he hoped they could be civil. Until then, all he had left was a family picture and some stuff animals to fill the void.

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