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11/03/2018 12:31 PM
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New Japan Pro Wrestling BIO for WAYLON
WAYLON
Unit: Free Height: 243 cm Weight: 204 kg Year of Birth: November 4 1966
Blood Type: A
Place of Birth: Tampa, Florida, USA Twitter: @HiImWaylon Company: Croc's Steak, Seafood, and Barbecue Debut: March 1998 Finish Hold: The Reaper (Suplex to Tombstone), Machine Gun Majesty (Suplex Side Slam), Liver Kick, Chainheart Machine (Anaconda Choke), Dancing Mad (One Winged Angel) Theme song: JUSTICE Biography A journeyman who does not seem to age, the former KILLER CROC of Gotham City has returned to New Japan Pro Wrestling with a vengeance and utter hatred for all who stand against Bullet Club. After a spectacular showing in the G-1, it looks like the imposing monstrosity has found his stride and will most likely return to his championship winning ways for a long time to come.
While his previous run in 2006 fed him a taste of IWGP World Heavyweight Championship gold, it looks like he wishes for the full course now that he has slain his demons and found the inner peace that eluded him previously. Since then, he has become the first Westerner to win the NEVER Openweight championship and the first American to win the IWGP United States Championship. With his silver tongue, occasional bouts of vulgarity and reckless violence, incredible physical prowess, and the seemingly sentient "Reaper" finisher, it would appear WAYLON is the Weapon of Vanity that the Bullet Club needs to reestablish dominance in the company, even if it would appear he'd rather handle business on his own. He proved this point when he scored a shock win over Intercontinental Champion Tetsuya Naito to become the first ever New Japan Singles Grand Slam Champion. After an incredible victory of the G1 climax, WAYLON, much to the chagrin of New Japan tradition and even members of his own Bullet Club faction, defeated Kazuchika Okada in Philadelphia to claim the crown he'd never truly lost over 13 years prior, the IWGP World Heavyweight Champion.
The Euphoria came to an end, however, as World Tag League ended with Bullet Club ousting the Monstrosity at the behedst of their leader, Jay White. WAYLON since took down the members of the Club who participated in the betrayal before losing his IWGP Heavyweight title to Kazuchika Okada and getting his long-awaited revenge the next day against Jay White, who promptly invited him back in.
The next day at New Years Dash, WAYLON announced he had accepted a position as VP of American Operations, thus severing his ties with Bullet Club and taking a hiatus from in-ring competition. However, he also implied that the position was merely a temporary placement and that he would not "R-Word" just yet.
New Japan can enjoy this remission, but they know that the Monstrosity will find his way back, as he always has, as he always will.
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10/07/2018 01:10 PM
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New Set of Rules
DON'T WHIZ ON THE ELECTRIC FENCE!
Basically, use your common sense. If it seems like a bad idea, try talking to me first before you do it.
And NO SENDING RL BODY PICS! Please! I like p**sy, but I don't wanna see yours!
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01/13/2014 09:44 PM
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How Croc and Clayface defeated Darkseid as told by Tenacious D
This is a satire of Beelzeboss by Tenacious D from their movie "Pick of Destiny." Please support the official release. This parody was made by my friend who used to play Clayface and parts of it by me.
Lionel Luthor: Relax guys, you got enough of the powers of darkness to put on the ultimate show! Croc: ALright Lionel, thanks for the help!Clay: Yeah dude! We truly appreciate it! We don't need that pick anymore!
Croc: RIGHT!
*They walk into the building, then Lionel Luthor smiles, sees a pick broken in two pieces, picks it up, places it on where his right index fingernail should be and transforms into the ultimate evil of the DC Universe as Clay and Croc come back out during a sinister sounding guitar riff*
Clay: I just thought of something man, we could fix it with duct tape and... AH!
Darkseid: I AM COMPLETE!
Clayface and Croc: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!
Darkseid: YES YOU ARE FUCKED! SHIT OUT OF LUCK! I AM COMPLETE AND MY COCK YOU WILL SUCK! THIS WORLD WILL BE MINE! AND YOU'RE FIRST IN LINE! YOU BROUGHT ME MY TOOTH AND NOW YOU SHALL BOTH DIE! Clayface: WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! You motherfucker... We challenge you to a Rockoff!
Croc: Give us one chance to rock your socks off!
Darkseid: FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! The New God Code prevents me from declining a Rockoff challenge! What are your terms? What's the catch?
Clayface: If we win, you must take your sorry ass back to Apokolips! And also you will have to pay Croc's Mortgage!
Croc; YEAH!
Darkseid: And what if I win?
Clayface: Then you can take Croc back with you... Croc: Wait, what?
Clayface: it's the only way... Croc: Dude, what the fuck, seriously?
Clayface: To be your little bitch!
Darkseid: FINE! Let the Rockoff begin! (Darkseid all of a sudden poofs in drums and plays a quick solo) I AM DARKSEID I LOVE METAL! (Switches to a guitar) Check this riff it's fucking awesome! (Plays a quick solo on the guitar) I'm Darkseid and I do what I want, whatever I got I'm gonna flaunt, there's never been a Rockoff challenge I've ever lost! I can't wait to take Croc back with me! I'm gonna lay him down and cover him with pee! Croc: EW! Darkseid: I'm gonna make him scream like Ted Bundy! Clayface: NO! Come on Croc! Let's rock him a new asshole!
Croc: There's just no way that we can win, that was a masterpiece
Clayface: Come on Croc Croc: He rocks too hard because he's not a mortal man!
Clayface: GODDDAMMIT CROC! He's gonna make you his sex slave! You're gonna gargle mayonnaise
Croc: No... Clayface: UNLESS we bust a massive monster fucking jam!
Croc: Dude... We've been through so much shit! Clayface: Made a Batman face with my dick!
Croc: Now it's time to blow this fucker down!
Clayface: Come on Croc now it's time to blow doors down!
Croc: I hear ya Claybles now it's time to blow doors down! Clayface: Open the cage now it's time for a showdown!
Croc: He'll bend you over and put it in turd down
Both: NOw it's time to blow this fucker down!
Croc: He's gonna rape me if we don't knock this clown down! Clayface: C'mon Croc now it's time to blow doors down
Croc: I'll tombstone ya, it's time for a smackdown!
Clayface: Hey Darkseid or... Lord Uxas! We know your weakness, O Rocket sauce! We rock the Caspah and blow your mind! We will both pwn ya for all mankind! You hold the lock and we hold the key, you're fucking Darkseid, we are the C!
Both: We are the C (X17)
Darkseid: You guys are fuckin lame, c'mon Croc, you're coming with me.
Croc: Eat a dick!
Darkseid: Then taste my eyebeams fucker! (Fires up Omega beams, but Clayface jumps in front of Croc with his guitar)
Clayface: NO! (The beams bounce off of Clayface's guitar and hit Darkseid's finger, causing the whole thing to fall off. Clayface grabs the finger and turns it back on him)
Darkseid: FUCK! same finger! OH NO!
Clayface: From whence you came you shall remain until you are complete again!
Darkseid: NO! FUCK YOU CROC AND FUCK YOU CLAYFACE! I'LL GET YOU TENACIOUS C! (Gets Boomtubed back to Apokolips as Croc and Clayface nod at each other and walk off)
Croc: Dude, that could have been a masterpiece... Did you remember it?
Clayface: I was in such a state of shock I forgot it. Croc: Oh. Maybe I have the solution! I whack you in the head with the Club of Destiny! (Croc holds up Darkseid's overly large finger ((Yes, even by Killer Croc standards)) and swings it at the back of Clayface's head as the screen fades to black)
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[ This blog post is private ]
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02/20/2013 06:23 PM
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Oh look, I has powers!
Standard Croc stuff!
Croc is known for durability and a healing factor given his reptilian features. He can regenerate lost limbs. This is limited to decapitation. He can't grow his head back. Also, he ages very slowly. Although he looks to be in his early 30s and fights in such a way, he is actually in his late 50s. You didn't hear that one from me though. Finally, he can and often does fight through injuries. In Arkham Asylum *The comic, not the game*, he continued to fight after being impaled through the chest by an iron bar.
It's very hard to cut Croc's skin as it is thicker than average human skin. Yeah, even Pretty Boy Croc has this too. It can bounce bullets and sh*t.
Strength: Croc is known for his peak physical fitness. In addition to his strength, stamina, endurance, surprising amount of speed, and his ability to dive half a mile and hold his breath for 3 hours, he has a very slow heart rate and a very powerful heart that can function in such a manner at 50 beats per minute. He's also a very good Greco Roman wrestler guy. He has been known to suplex a city bus and then eat everything inside.
Speaking of eating, Croc actually has a very fast metabolism despite his size. He is known for his ability to digest pretty much anything. This also helps his immune system. His jaws are as strong as those of an average Crocodilian with the exception of the weakened mouth opening. In addition, he is immune to most poisons. By most, he is very succeptible to drunkenness and intoxication, which leaves him in a permanent stupor as he uses frequently.
Senses: Croc is known for very strong vision, hearing, and his sense of smell. He never forgets an individual scent... Unless he's drugged. Which was of course most of the time.
NOt Standard Croc stuff!
However, now he's sober. And it has been proven in the comics that despite his apparent lack of common sense, Croc had a photographic memory and is actually surprisingly intelligent with an IQ of 165. This RP capitalizes on that and uses his intellect. Yeah, I blame his past stupidity on drugs. Now he takes none except for the hormones used to keep his reptilian features in check.
His teeth have been fixed due to modern dentistry. He now looks passable as a human. However, when he steps on the scale, all humanity goes out the door: He is still over 500 pounds!
His martial arts skills have improved. He studied Brazilian Jiu Jitsu with the infamous Nogueira brothers, pet a school bus with Big Nog *See also Chael Sonnen*, and Muay Thai with Victor Sagat. Finally, he has even learned the art of stealth and various forms of armed combat with Lady Blue. His keen senses allows him to notice confontational acts. Even so, he will take his bumps (UNLIKE MOST OF YOU A**HOLES! TAKE YOUR BUMPS AND SELL LIKE A MAN! We want Tommy Dreamers, not John Cenas)
His clear vision makes him an accurate shot. However, he saves his rounds, as he always preferred to use his hands.
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07/20/2012 03:54 PM
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Killer Croc, Clayface, Bane, Scarecrow, and Talia go to the movies!
WARNING: SPOILERS FOLLOW!
Clayface: Seriously, I don't know why I'm even here, I haven't been in this continuity at all!
Croc: Uh, I've only been in a cameo role in the second movie by Dee Bo, and I was in that little dumb Anime Featurette.
Crow: Well, I was in...
Croc: We know Jon, you don't have to rub it in our faces.
Bane: SHUT UP! My movie's starting!
Croc: Your movie?
Bane: Um, yeah!
*Bane talks for the first time in the movie.*
Bane: WHAT? I don't sound like Sean Connery meets Christopher Walken meets Gary Oldman! I'm supposed to sound Latin... Like Alberto Del Rio or something!
Croc: Congrats, you do now!
Bane: Shut up before I break your arms again.
Croc: You shut up before I feed you a broken rib sandwich!
Talia: Damn, Marion Cotillard looks drop dead gorgeous!
Croc: Um... Hathaway looks much hotter.
Clayface: I agree. Seriously, how is this even an argument?
Bane: Ya'll are perverts, you know that?
Croc: *Points to Clayface* He's the pervert!
Bane: How's your wife Waylon?
Croc: Fucking bite me Bane!
Clayface: You know, I may be a pervert, but I'm not the one wearing a thong on my face!
Croc: What the...? GODDAMMIT! Now I'll never unsee that!
Bane: At least he kicked the Venom early!
Croc: yeah, and Tom looks like he put on quite a bit of weight since Warrior. Then again, when you first kicked the Venom, you were...
Bane: Still able to break the Joker's back in one slam!
Crow: And still a blowhard!
Croc: Whatever motherfuckers, bottom line is... *Hears a line about a giant alligator in the sewers.* I WAS TOTALLY IN THIS MOVIE!
Talia: Congrats Waylon, how does it feel to be mentioned in a movie and resembled in another?
Croc: How the fuck does Selina's lesbian roommate Holly get a bigger role than either one of us? And furthermore, what the fuck are you doing here anyway Talia?
Talia: Um... I'm a fan?
Croc: Right... BOttom line is I was in more movies than you!
Bane: Wait, now I'm the son of Ra's? So that makes what Talia and I did incest?
Clayface: No, that makes you another notch in her belt. OW! *Gets nutshotted by Talia.* What was that for?
Talia: I'm a lady Karlo!
Clay: yeah, a woman who slept with half of the Arkham Rogues gallery AND Batman! *Gets another nut shot, this time from Bane.*
Croc: Shut the fuck up Clay! Oh look, it's the Steelers! Maybe Hines Ward will be blown to bits!
Bane: WRONG! I blew up the entire team EXCEPT for Hines Ward!
Clayface: Didn't he retire this year?
Crow: OH LOOK! I'm in this movie too!
Croc: Yeah, playing the part Harvey played in No Man's Land. Do something fucking original for once!
Crow: At least I don't rip off my characteristics from Michael Clarke Duncan roles.
Clayface: Dude, he has a point.
*Tatsu pops out of nowhere.*
Tatsu: Actually, Dad should stop with the MCD references because the more he acts like him, the closer he will come to eating like him, and we all know Mike is a
Croc: One more word Tatsu and I'll shove your gum drops up your ass then force you to eat them.
Tatsu: I'll shut up now. *Goes back to where he was seated.*
Croc: Whoa, is this what I think it is?
Clay: It is.
Bane: This movie is about to get a lot more metal!
All 3 of the big Gothamite metalheads: WALL OF DEATH!
*The scene switches to the fight between Batman and Bane*
Croc: And there's a familiar and refreshing scene: Bane being repeatedly punched in the face... Hey, why did that bitch stab Batman?
*The revelation of Miranda's true identity arises*
All 5: WHOA!
Talia: KNEW IT! She IS gorgeous!
Croc: revel in your moment bitch, I was in more movies than both of you idiots! Well, not counting the porno tapes Talia made with all of us.
Crow: Except me! I meant the movies, not the porn, because she totally made one with me.
Croc: SHUT THE FUCK UP CROW BEFORE I SHOVE YOUR ASS UP YOUR ASS AND MAKE YOU TASTE YOUR OWN GASTRIC WASTE!
Talia: Plus, I never slept with you Crow. And no, I didn't make tapes for any of you idiots! Not even you Bane, and I liked you a lot!
Bane: If Tom Hardy doesn't get an Oscar for this, it's horseshit.
Croc: Maybe TOm should overdose like Heath Ledger did.
Talia: Marion already has an Oscar. I can't complain!
Croc: Mike got nominated... Once...
Clayface: God, I can't wait til I get a movie.
Croc: Not gonna happen, Batman just blew up.
Clayface: Oh...
Bane: Wait, he's alive. He fixed the autopilot.
Croc: Huh... Knew we couldn't give up on him.
Bane: There still isn't going to be another movie though.
Croc: Whatever, we still have the Arkham games. And they're saying I might get a legitimate boss fight in the next one.
Bane: In your fucking dreams.
Croc: Whatever. This movie was okay.
Talia: I DIED!!!
Bane: I got blasted in the face by Catwoman. Shut the fuck up!
Croc: Whatever. Yeah it was good. Now to unsee the line Clayface made about your mask in this movie.
Clayface: FACETHONG! FACETHONG! FACETHONG!
The rest of the crew: GODDAMMIT!
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[ This blog post is private ]
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