Those were the words that Alicent Hightower wanted to speak, but as hard as she tried they wouldn’t come. There the young girl was, outside the Princesses’ chambers, yearning to knock, but her hands wouldn’t budge. She was frozen in her steps, her whole body feeling as if it had turned to stone. The only movement was the shaking of her lips and her eyelids darting shut as the tears begin to well up.

She hadn’t asked to marry the King, Rhaenyra’s father. It had been Alicent’s own father’s idea, to visit Viserys’s chambers nightly, to simply talk with him and keep him company in his grief. It had only been six months since his beloved wife had died, but it was no secret that he was being pressured to marry again and to conceive that male heir that had alluded him for decades. Fathers knew best, right? Why would Alicent’s father urge her to do something that wasn’t in her best interest? He’d always looked out for her…but so had Rhaenyra. The two teens had always been inseparable. But now, with Alicent marrying the King, that bond could be fractured forever; their entire existence being turned upside down.

She attempted to knock again, but she couldn’t bring herself to it. What was she supposed to say? She had no power in the Kingdom, neither her or Rhaenyra did. They couldn’t stop the wedding and even if they protested it would only be in vain, not to mention cause tension and hostility that neither they nor their families needed. Young or old, women were at the mercy of the patriarchy. Alicent had always hoped that Rhaenyra would change that by becoming Queen someday, but that dream was swiftly beginning to dim. Once Queen, Alicent would be expected to produce a male heir, and once he was born, the line of the throne would go to him and not Rhaenyra.

“I’m so, so sorry.” Alicent whispered as she pressed her head to the chamber door, the cold oak and timber burning her cheek and ear. She found herself daydreaming for a moment, her mind conjuring up a magnificent vision of Rhaenyra running out and embracing her; forgiving her for the impending nuptials while telling her that everything was going to be all right. They locked fingers and made a solemn vow that nothing would ever tear them apart; that their friendship was the strongest bond in the Kingdom that not even a dragon’s breath could disintegrate.

But the glorious reveries were shattered at the sounds of the guards making their rounds across the castle. Alicent was alone again, not only in her thoughts but in life. Yes, she had her Father, a soon to be husband, and servants to wait on her hand and foot, but no one would ever take the place of her treasured companion.

“You were my friend.” Alicent whispered under her breath as she quietly stepped away from Rhaenyra’s chambers before the guards discovered her presence. “One, five, even twenty years from now I pray I can hold onto that, to keep the memory of our friendship alive if only in my heart.”

Little did the naive, young and future Queen know that some things just aren’t meant to be.