Hollowed out and Whole

WARNING ENDGAME SPOILERS READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!

Clint felt numb, yet drowning in grief. They had saved the world but at what cost? Most everyone had made it back. Most. Bucky was back and that was amazing. Steve made it, Sam....but there were some who didn't. Tony, god it hurt to think about it. But he had gone down a hero, fighting to save the world one last time.

The one death Clint couldn't accept was Natasha. They had been sent for the soul stone and by god how he had tried to be the one to sacrifice. He didn't have the family she had built with Steve and Bucky. But she couldn't let go of that f***ing red ledger. He fought her like he had never fought before. Just let it be him. They had held each other crying, confessing their love for one another. It was a deep bond, a soul connection. Nat was the sister of his soul. Most believed it to be a romantic love but to them they knew that it was more than that. They knew that while being pieces of each others souls, they weren't meant to be together that way.

He had gone back for the funerals, but had left straight after. He knew Steve had volunteered to return the stones. He didn't stay to find out anything more. He found himself unable to look Bucky in the face. Couldn't hardly face Steve either. He had lost them their love. He knew they had to blame him.

So he left, using every last bit of his training to disappear in such a way that not even Bucky could find him.

He left with a burner phone, leaving them a number at the very least so that they would at least know he was alive. The first few days he spent drinking himself into oblivion. He couldn't sleep unless he was blackout drunk. He wasn't eating. There was just this hollow aching place in his heart. It was all his fault. His fault she was gone. He couldn't hold on and she fell and it was his fault.

He woke one morning to the phone going off continuously. Head pounding he picked it and saw several missed calls, a full voicemail and one text message. He went through the voicemails, all Bucky wanting to know if he was still alive and to come home. Finally after deleting them, he opened the message, again from Bucky and it had him sitting up in shock.

"She's back."

Clint raced for the bathroom and threw up until there was nothing left in his already empty stomach. Shaking he crawled back to the bed. He picked up the phone and saw another message.

"She's alive I swear, please come home Clint."

Clint lay there shaking from the shock. He couldn't believe it. Natty was alive. He didn't know how it was possible. It was supposed to be irreversible.

Maybe it was a trick to get him back there. He couldn't do anything right then anyways, he was already passing back out. When he woke it was to another voicemail. He bleary eyed hit the button and held it to his ear.

"Come home Маленький Ястреб, Im really here.."

He dropped the phone in shock. Nat was really alive...

He stood up and grabbed his phone and keys. He hadn't taken anything else with him when he left. He stumbled out of the room, still half drunk and made a beeline for his truck. Getting in he backed out quickly and floored it out of the parking lot.

The whole drive back he was in a fog. He doesn't remember most of it, just the moment he pulled into the drive, yanking it into park and jumping out. The door still open and the truck still running. He stumbled up the steps. Steve opened the door, his face a mask of concern, reaching for him but Clint dodged him as he marched on. There she sat with Bucky on the couch. Both wearing matching looks of concern. Clint   felt dizzy with shock but he made it all the way to her when he hit his knees. His face was gaunt with a lack of sleep and food. His eyes bloodshot, his skin pale with a sheen of sweat.

"Natasha..."

She reached for him and he collapsed against her lap, sobbing his eyes out. He could feel her hands holding onto him, murmuring to him in Russian, but he couldn't understand any of it. He started babbling, most of it unintelligible.

"Im so sorry, my fault. Should've held on. All my fault..."

He knew he needed to calm his breathing but he couldn't. There was so much he needed to say but the words wouldn't come. He felt himself being lifted, and subconsciously realized it was Steve. His vision was whiting out as he was laid in his room. Just as he let himself go he saw her face, smiling down at him.

"Rest Clint...we are home again. Together as family once more."

He couldn't help but smiled back whispering as he faded out.

"Natasha, we're whole again.."