Darkness. It surrounded him; seeping in through his skin, to slowly feast upon his soul.
How long had it been? How long had he been stuck within this limbo. Neither here. Neither there. Remembered only to be forgotten just as quick. Had he really been that bad? A year, a month somewhere in between?
And yet the Universe had gone on without him.
He had faded from their thoughts. Had he really mattered in the first place? Or had he just been a name to mention in passing… They said the moments between life and death, that they wasn’t mean to hurt. But it was all he’d ever felt. The same hollow emptiness he’d felt all his life. But here in this place, this abyss of darkness; the veil between life and death…There had been no hope for him to cling too. No salvation. And so the emptiness had fed. Ravaging upon his heart. His memories and his soul.
No one was coming. It had been too long.
And it didn’t matter anymore. He had screamed in frustration and he had wept his despair into the silent darkness. Begging, pleading into the emptiness around him for someone to miss him. Miss him long enough to come find him. And there had been moments when he had been sure he heard the whisper of voices approaching. Yet as quick as they had approached, they had faded! It had felt like they were mocking him, giving him false hope, only to remind him as the darkness ebbed into silence once again; of how completely alone he really was!
Oh what an irony it was…to miss the craggy rocks and ice of Jotunheim. The freezing winds; and how they had howled through the cracks of his decaying fortress. To miss the cold as ice stone as his fingers would drum in silent contemplation upon the armrests to his throne. And in that moment, he knew he would give up everything. He would give up what little hope he had left, that someone, anyone, was ever going to find him… He would give up his pride that hadn’t forgotten and he would trade it all… for one last bargain.
“Fafnir…”
Loki whispered into the darkness and it felt strange to hear his voice. He had forgotten so long ago what it sounded like. And yet still the silence mocked him.
“Fafnir….this is my bargain…”
Silence…. Deafening silence. It roared ever louder upon his ears until it felt as his darkness around him all but trembled with the noise and within the noise came fire. Its light so bright it burned with life, like the eternal flame…
And Loki smiled….for the bargain he had pledged…had been accepted!
It was then, in that moment, he felt himself falling………
He felt a hidden wind rush caressing past his body. The way it pulled and tugged upon his hair. Yet it shielded his eyes from the pulsating flames of brightness that followed his downwards spiral. He felt his arms, his legs flaying, pulled upwards with force of his fall and he had no control… While all about him shadows of branches began to form, twisted and barren of any leafs they emerged tugging ripping at his clothes like gnarled hands as he rapidly fell through their grasp. And he knew where Fafnir was taking him… It was the crossroads. The hidden heart of the pathways between all realms. It was where everyone, everything existed all at once and yet not at all. A gateway to ones subconscious. Ones choices, ones thoughts, to their mind and their memories. All stored within the passageways of their realms in an endless maze of dimly lit doors….
He had no recollection of his landing. Just the fall and the brightness of the sun as it loomed overhead. Had it always been this bright? ‘No’ a voice whispered in his head. ‘Run!’
Slowly he looked about him, taking in the vivid green of the grass, its sweeping plains and he knew where he was. He knew the moment he began to walk, began to run, the decaying red brick buildings would rise up once around him. And for a moment he wondered, who could have possibly built them and when. How?
“Run!” Again the voice in his head commanded him… ‘Focus. Don’t let them find you!’
It made his heart lurch… fear rose like bile in his throat and he felt himself obey. The ground was soft beneath his feet. It coaxed him forward and for a while, for a moment it seemed he ran so fast that he could fly. It felt as if his feet barely touched the ground; yet all the while he was aware of the sun overhead and how brightly it shone… He was aware that it was growing brighter.
Up ahead the decaying red brick building loomed. He wasn’t sure when it had appeared, and yet it was there! Tormentingly close, and yet so far. Why was it taking him so long to reach it? Why was he barely moving when only a moment before he’d been flying? In panic he looked down to his feet. They were sinking into the lush green grass, trapped by tiny beads of light that clung like dew to each narrow green strand...
They stuck to his boots like glue; like the sticky strands of a spider web and with every stepped he forced himself to take, they spread. Delicately entwining themselves higher, tighter until they encased his feet.
He felt like he was the fly, waiting to be devoured by the spider: the ever looming brightness of the sun!
‘NO!’ the voice in his head screamed and instinctively he reached out his arm and grasped at the air, willing; for the door handle to red decaying building, to appear within his hand as he closed his eyes.
And as he felt the smooth cold and worn hardness form between his fingers grasp; he turned it. Prising free his feet from his entrapped boots to lunge forward as the door within his mind opened.
The ground was hard, cold concrete. It slammed against his body forcing his eyes open as he twisted; kicking at the open door behind him to slam it shut.
Scrambling to his knees, he forced himself forward, up to run.
Dirt, dust, it coated him. He could taste its dryness in his mouth, feel it across his face and under his feet as he made his way down the long dark passageway. His heart was beating fast. So fast he felt it pounding within his chest. Quickly he risked a glance behind him, to confirm what he already knew. The door way had vanished. The light had not yet found a way to follow him!
It had been too late to seep in through the open door yet he knew it wouldn’t be long. That in a moment it could be in here too….He had to hide. To save himself. To disappear…
The corridor went on forever, with sub-tunnels branching off in all directions; lit by tiny lights that would flicker like warnings above the endless doorways that lined every wall. Quickly he began to undress, discarding his clothes to the floor as he ran stumbling into the walls and using them to stop his fall.
Up ahead he could hear it. The unmistakable sound that he was getting close. That soon, he would come face to face with the cost of his bargain and as he rounded a corner in the passageway a single door stood open.
Its entrance gaped like an open mouth beckoning him forward by the soft and mournful sobs that echoed out through its entrance.
Intrepidly he paused in the doorway, reaching out to clutch upon its steel frame; reading himself for what he would see inside.
The broken and grimy windows upon the far wall held no light, yet still he could clearly see. He watched as two small children played. Identical in so many ways; the way they clapped their hands together, crossing their arms in front of their chests. Clapped their hands together again; before clapping their hands with each other. It was strange- for when they touched it was hard to distinguish where one child ended and the other began. It was almost as if they merged to become just one and all the while they softly chanted to each other…
”Miss Mary Mack, mack, mack,
All dressed in black, black, black,
With silver buttons, buttons, buttons,
All down her back, back, back…”
Forcefully he turned his gaze away and looked at the small blue child crouching huddled in the corner, and he remembered a time when only this child had dwelt within this room. He stepped closer. Battered and bruised the child rocked back and forth, hugging his knees in a comfort for his solitude. For the loneliness he felt, even when surrounded by others.
Suddenly the safety of darkness began to glow warm.
Like a crack in the sky of night its brightness began to spread. The light, that blinding light which would trap him… Which would devour him whole… It had found him!
Instinctively he reached down to grasp the small blue child and lifted him up; pulling him close against his body, and wrapped his arms tightly around his small and frail frame; before turning, looking for somewhere, anywhere that he could flee!
She still stood there….at the wall.
Her fingers still bloody from her endless picking peeling at the faded paint. He felt himself pause, and step closer wanting only to touch her. To reach out and take her hand in his. But the light was growing brighter, it reflected off of her pale skin, mirroring in her milky eyes the darkness of the hole she was digging within the wall…..
He could not wait. He could not linger a moment more. The blue child needed him, he felt his icy touch upon his face as the child lifted his hand placing it upon his cheek and he turned to look down into the child’s eyes.
He knew them. He had seen them all his life and now he had to forget them. It was the only way he could save himself. It was the only way he could hide.
Conceding he let the child’s hand guide his gaze back to the wall; the slowly growing hole of darkness that the young girl had been picking at the faded paint to revile….. And he stepped closer and closed his eyes. He could feel the light getting stronger, any moment it would be outside the open door. Any moment its tendril like flames would seize upon the child in his arms…
He took a deep breath, wishing he had but a moment longer, and stepped into the hole in the wall………….
-----------------------------
I ached. I hurt. I didn’t know why. My mouth it felt so dry like it was filled with dirt. Groaning I stretched out and exhaled against the pain. My head was thumping and I hadn’t even opened my eyes.
’Had they got me? Was I dead? Where was the baby?’Immediately I forced my eyes open and pushed myself up onto my knees to frantically look around me. He was there, I spotted him almost immediately. He was wrapped in an old blanket; still sleeping. I groaned softly, and stretched trying to ease the stiffness from my body.
It was cold, so very cold and where were my clothes. Slowly I let my gaze travel around me. The room was bare, except for the graffiti that covered a far wall. Its colours had faded over time and in places been replaced by grime. I glanced down to the old mattress on which I’d been laying. It too had seen better days.
Stiffly I climbed to my feet and hobbled over to the knapsack I spotted perched upon a pair of boots by the door. I knew it belonged to me, I just didn’t know how. Like I didn’t know how I’d got here or why I was naked. Or where in hell I even was!! I could feel the panic rising in my chest, the way it seeped up to my throat…I felt sick It as so hard to breath,‘The baby! The baby, look at the baby! Breath, you have to breathe, you have to protect him! They will be coming; you can’t let them get him, BREATH!!’
I stumbled towards the door way not willing to take my eyes from the sleeping bundle for more than a moment and dropped to my knees. My fingers felt numb as they frantically tried to open the bag and discarded the contents onto the floor. Quickly I grabbed the t-shirt. It looked like it had definitely seen better days as had the jeans I pulled over my hips. No socks. Why were there no socks? It didn’t matter, I didn’t need them anyway!
Quickly I pulled the boots onto my feet and knelt scrambling to shove the strewn contents to the bag back inside it. Pausing only as I looked upon the baby’s feeding bottle. He needs food. He’d be waking soon. Whose baby was he?
“God! God help me! Why can’t I remember” I wined desperately and reached up hitting myself hard over and over again upon the side of my head. It stung, but it didn’t help me. It didn’t give me any answers. They, if I was going to find them, they waited outside of here.
Slowly I let my body sink back against the door and looked at the baby, trying to steady my breathing, my racing heart…. The answers to it all, they waited where the light was free to hunt for me, for the baby.
They waited where I needed to go, to get the baby food.
How long had it been since they'd made the effort to save Loki from the void? The days felt different from normal days, as if they hung suspended from reality. For surely none of this could be real, and if it were - Dylann wasn't sure she could handle it. Let alone help others cope, but that wasn't the only thing daunting on the horizon. Through their efforts, it was discovered Loki had some how escaped himself. The specifics of how he escaped were never known to them, all they knew was he wasn't within the realm of Nastrond when finally they reached its depths.
If he was alive and well, surely he would have reached out to them, they all hoped at least. Though the thought always lingered, that he was somewhere more 'final' in his resting, unable to be retrieved. Gone forever. Yet Dylann didn't feel that really. It was ridiculous - impossible even. How could she know for certain if he was alive in some way just on a gut feeling? Was it tied to that fantasy known as soulmates? Or was it merely the wishful thinking of a naive and hopeful mind? Modi took it the worst it looked like, and Nuri was quiet, dealing with things differently. A trait she no doubt got from Dylann, but they didn't speak about it as much as they should have. Perhaps unable to bring themselves to speak what they feared to be true. They were all in denial.
It was through this confusion that she set out on her own. Unable to stay in places that reminded her of things she was unable to change, where she would dwell on the possibilities. The 'what ifs' -- But for reasons she couldn't explain she was drawn back to Chicago. HER Chicago. Where they were rebuilding in a sense. Everyone scrambling around to find their own identities and purpose after the faction system disbanded. The Factionless Sector however, was much the same. Using little funds and containing decrepit buildings with crumbling structures.
She wandered the streets and helped where help was needed, but it didn't feel like home anymore. It felt like a hunt, only she had no idea what she was searching for. Every day that passed she grew more and more depressed. Cold even. As though something fundamental within her was slowly fading, clinging to something unknown that was calling to her. If it wasn't such a crazy theory she would have thought it was one of those 'forces' her brother once spoke of, but she wasn't like him. In truth, there wasn't a damn thing special about her.
Still; every day she returned to the gaunt walls of the rundown Factionless homes. Always these visits brought memories to the surface; by the time she would leave, she was often so depressed, or simmering with unexpressed fury. So much so that she could barely even think straight. Then came the illogical panic, that had her breaths quickening as she clutched at her chest, stumbling up creaking stairs. It wasn't until she reached the highest level that she rested in a ramshackle room. Sliding down the decaying wallpaper to draw her knees to her chest.
One deep breath in, followed by a long exhale. Anything to calm her heart and racing mind. She felt as though she were going insane, never knowing how she ended up in these places - chasing ghosts. A frustrated snarl eminated from her throat as she gripped her pounding head. The splitting headache came and went in quick intervals. Feeling one second as if her brain was being assaulted by a hammer, moments before it subsided into a hazy numb relief.
A much needed moment of peace never fully came. No sooner than she took a relaxed breath in - did she hear someone or something in the next room. One swift turn of her head and she was on her feet in a flash. Her instincts kicking in, ones that prompted her to avoid interaction, but her feet moved out of habit. Sliding open the rickety door, she stepped back out into the hall. Chicago was different now, that much was true, but safer? Dylann wasn't sure if it would ever truly be safer. Unarmed at the moment, and simply emotionally exhausted she didn't think she was up to a fight, but was unable to stop herself from walking closer.
Curiosity tugged at her eyes and arms. Which squinted through the small crack in the door to watch as a dark haired man pulled on boots. Had she seen him before? No..... she would recognize that face.... Yet something felt familiar. Her throat went dry as she leaned closer, ceasing immediately upon hearing the soft sounds of a baby? Her eyes wandered the room, what little of it she could see, and sure enough there it was? Wrapped up in a blanket, but was it safe here? This was no place for a baby. Now a very different kind of instinct kicked in, but she forced herself to stay impossibly still.
Until the warped floorboards beneath her feet creaked under her leaning curiosity. It was obnoxiously loud, alerting the stranger to her presence no doubt. But she wasn't afraid, or indifferent. A second longer she waited before knocking her knuckles against the wood of the door. The baby needed something warmer, at least that was the motive she told herself as she dared to impose on a clearly disgruntled factionless man.
Though deep down she knew it was something more, deep down she just knew. She'd found what she was looking for, and whether or not she was safe here didn't matter. Uncertainty and twinge's of panic were much better than the unfathomable numbness. Very slowly Dylann nudged open the door, clearing her throat. With the factions disbanded, a city police of sorts had been put into place, many Dauntless joined this profession. Which gave her an excuse for being here. At least for now.
Instinctively she scanned the room for weapons, while looking him over as well. Luckily he appeared to be unarmed, but his eyes looked chaotic and full of fear. Fear? Well fear could be very dangerous.... She needed to be careful, very careful "These buildings are condemned, you're not suppose to be in here." it wasn't a complete lie. Though she lacked the authority to be saying it, still she didn't believe the man would attack her with the baby so close near by. He was protective of it obviously, but she was no threat to him, she made sure he knew that. With hands raised and a cocked brow, Dylann nodded towards the child.
Knowing well what those uncomfortable whines that were beginning to get louder and louder meant. "It needs food? She? He?" This was insane, completely insane. You're going to get yourself shot or pushed down these old ass stairs if you're not careful, she told herself. Her mind warned her but every other fiber of her being was certain and resolute. Not even understanding her own motivations, she knew the baby needed to be protected, but there was something about the man too. Ah hell. Maybe one day her life wouldn't be a never-ending cycle of confusion and inner battles.
