I know Pt 2

It had been two weeks since Clint had been rescued. The first few days were spent in Medical, but Clint had never been one to stay there for long. Now he was hidden away in his room, shut up in darkness, in the corner because it was the only way he could sleep. He had drug all of his blankets and pillows there and made a nest of them. He ignored the banging on his door. Jarvis was kind enough to let it stay locked mostly. He did let them in to bring him food. But for the most part let Clint try to deal with it on his own.

All of them tried to get him to leave the room, and he knew they were right. It wasn't healthy to stay shut up like this, but he wasn't ready to just yet. He still woke up every morning thinking he was still there, still going to wake up to them dragging him to the chair. He kept the room really warm. He was in layers of flannel to the point he would sweat constantly, but he didn't care. He needed it like an armor.

Today he was sitting up in the corner, watching the rain trail down the window. He was wrapped up in a blanket, head tilted against the window. When he heard his door open, he panicked and his eyes shot to the entrance, clawing his way to standing, his muscles screaming in protest. But it was only Bucky, carrying what looked to be a sandwich. He moved slowly into the room, giving Clint the chance to recognize him. Like you would a wounded animal and that's really what Clint was, wounded.

Clint felt himself slowly relax and slid back to the floor. He tried to regulate his breathing as Bucky moved to sit next to his nest of blankets, a look of apology on his face that Bucky just waved away. He wasn't afraid of Bucky and Bucky knew that. Bucky understood on a level that the others didn't and maybe that's why he sat there with him now.

He had given Clint the time to try and heal, but now he was here to help him. Because sometimes you needed help to walk out of the darkness. He placed the plate in Clint's lap and gave him a look, which made Clint pick it up and take a bite. Bucky kept that look up until Clint finished the sandwich. Finally when it was done, and the plate suspiciously set out of reach, Bucky turned to him again.

"You can't stay in here." He said bluntly.

"I know.." Clint whispered back.

"You know none of us expect you to be how you were before right?" He asked leaning against the wall.

"I know that Bucky, I do....I just want to be.." Clint tried to explain.

"I know. I wanted to be normal for Steve afterwards...but it doesn't work like that. Too much has happened and you can't go back." He said propping his legs up letting his arms rest on them.

Clint rubbed his face, scrubbing his eyes fiercely until Bucky grabbed his hand away from his face. He was right, too much had happened and he wasn't the same. He had been undone and rewrapped into this person that he didn't know. He was still Clint, but there was pieces missing. He asked while he had the courage to do it, something he wished he had done ages ago.

"How did you endure it all? All those years, all those times...How did you stand it?" He couldn't look at him when he asked. just saying the words had his insides shaky and uncertain.

It felt like an eternity but finally Bucky answered, not even pretending to not know what he meant.

"I didn't Clint. Endure it, not like you did. When they took me I was half dead, didn't have much fight in me to begin with. They almost had a clean slate with me. I endured it as you say because that's what I was told to do. Orders were all I knew." His legs relaxed out as he spoke again. "It wasn't really till the end that I began to really question everything that was being done."

Clint let out a shaky breath. He knew that if he had been there any longer, that he would've began to live the same way. He would've given them whatever they wanted. A nudge to his shoulder brought him back to the present and he snapped his head to look at his friend.

"Clint, I'd never ask you to suffer like that for me, ever." He said it with conviction that Clint could understand. "But thank you for thinking I was worthy enough for your loyalty."

All Clint could do was nod and sit back. They sat that way in silence for a long time, the only sounds were that of the rain on the glass. Finally Bucky let out a sigh and stood.

"Come on, you're coming down to the lounge with me. Steve's gone full mother bear mode on every one and I think Nat's about to break. It won't be pretty."

He held out a hand and Clint used it to stand up. He took an uncertain breath in and let it out before nodding.

"Can't let that happen can we? Steve's got puppy dog eyes better than an actual puppy."

Bucky chuckled and they headed out. He wasn't better yet, not by a long shot. But he didn't have to sit in the dark alone, not anymore.