"I never wanted the throne, I only ever wanted to be your equal!"
It didn't matter any more. Nothing did, except the cold emptiness that now filled his heart. The fool had always been him! The times he had been cast aside by Odin, made to watch as Thor was raised upon a mighty pillar. The times Frigga had come to his side, whispering that he was different. That he was special... 'Oh yes!...It all made sense now!' Even after he had proved to Odin that Thor wasn't worthy. That his brother was ruined by the corruption of the egotistical whims to his proclaimed title; And that he could set aside all emotional attachment...That he could rise to be the King Asgard needed. It wasn't enough! It would never be enough for any of them! It had all been a big joke! He had been the joke from the start! Purposely kept in the dark, the shadows. Fed the lies of deceit, groomed as one of them..Just in case there ever became a purpose for him! It hurt. It hurt so bad. The way Odin gazed down upon him. The way his Brother...another lie, held Odin's staff out of pity to stop his falling... "I could have done it, Father! I could have done it! For you! For all of us!"
How could he have thought that he could step into the sun. Stand as an equal in Odin's eyes to his brother Thor. He didn't need to hear Odin's words. His eyes already confirmed it. "No, Loki...." He'd never love him! Not like he had Thor. He'd always be a relic of the past! The Frost Giants true King...A King Odin feared to let rule over any Kingdom. A King Odin feared to set free! Clenching his jaw, Loki slowly uncurled his fingers from the staff. "Loki, no... NO!" Thor cried out...It meant nothing. Thor didn't understand! He never would! How could he! He'd never been left upon a rock to die! He'd never been lied too! His whole world had not been crushed! Silently Loki closed his eyes against the image of Thor, the image of Odin as they leaned over Bilfrost, watching as the weightlessness of Space, of the worm hole rose up to gently guide his body down, like a branch upon a river's current into the depths of its darkness.
Infinity...its endless like Space. Time ceases to exist. It would have been so easy to just let go. To cast aside his magic and hope that death took him, if not for the scalding burn of his heart ripped asunder...And if he did, just let go, would he then be proving Odin right... That his birthright had been to die all along?... No!...Odin didn't deserve that! He didn't deserve to be right! He would regret his words! He would realize his mistake and by then...it would be too late! He would make them cower! Asgard would beg for his return and he would bring Odin to his knees before there was ever an end!
A sudden shift within the weightlessness. A gravitational pull. It's power surrounded him pulling him back against the free fall of of space. Slowly Loki opened his eyes to gaze upon the wall of grey metal that now loomed before him. A Starship, the likes of which he had never seen. Its enormity becoming more evident with each moment the strange alluring tractor beam pulled him closer.
Unease...Oh how it can heighten the senses. Ignite a subdued mind!And as the air lock closed behind him...As he lay upon the floor feigning weakness Loki's lips twitched, etching into a devious smirk. Clad in white armor they came, paired in twos. Foot solders of an Empire, that he knew not who. had the wormhole really taken him so far? Weak and curious he let them take him. Transport him to a holding bay upon their ship. A holding bay where he would sleep and regain the strength the power his magic had cost him, upon his fall!
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The Empire as it turned out, was the galactic, constitutional monarchy and fascist government that replaced the Galactic Republic in the aftermath of some event called simply the Clone Wars. And which then later had gone on, after many arduous battles to be called- or simply known as the New Order. They ruled for years through fear, intimidation, and tyranny. With a mighty military force including stormtroopers, spy technology like probe droids and a weapon, strong enough to destroy a planet called the Death Star.
But none of that had sparked Loki's curiosity as much as when he heard the Stormtrooper's talk of those they referred to as 'Force sensitive!'. It was a reference to any living organism, human and other races, that was keenly attuned to the flow of the mysterious energy field known as this thing they called simply, The Force. And the Force so he found out was to put it simply...an energy field that connected all living things in the galaxy! Not only did it bind the Galaxy together...but it gave those who endeavored to wield it a number of useful powers, such as the ability to sense impending attacks;to push and lift physical objects with their mind; influence the thoughts of others and even see the future or maintain one's consciousness after death. Some it was said could summon lightning from their fingertips. The possibilities were endless! The Force could be used for many purposes, including protection, persuasion, wisdom, the manipulation of matter and the performance of great physical feats! There was once even one, whom apparently had the ability to turn himself into a tree! Ood Bnar, it seemed was almost as powerful as himself! Now that was an army worth manipulating!
It was a simple ploy.... A child's trick he had learned young at the hands of Frigga which had enabled Loki to walk free, unbeknown to the troupers whom stood watch; guarding over the illusion of his sleeping self within the holding room. There had been talk of a youngster, a lad they referred to as Brakiss whom was apparently apt in this Force wielding... He, it seemed.. had been sent to a planet, a temple of the Force, as a spy. Yet in his endeavors, he been discovered. It was not the boy that Loki found so intriguing... But more so, the planet...the temple full of possibilities....full of potential Force wielding comrades!
It had been an even simpler ruse.. to board the dispatch shuttle, sent to bring their failed spy home! Stormtroupers, it seemed were adverse to looking behind them! It was almost commendable!....How they marched forward with such devout purpose within their hearts, even when boarding a simple shuttle; whilst Loki cloaked with the guise of a mere shadow followed silently behind them. Ossus, was a strange planet. Parts lay arid, toxic, while other portions of planet seem lush with vegetation and wildlife and it was towards one of those that the Empires shuttle descended. Silently, Loki stood by the shuttles air lock, knowing that as it opened... he would have but a moment to exit unnoticed, before the boy made his way up the ramp.
Stepping onto the airlocks platform, as it began to open, Loki turned. Nimbly jumping from the ramp as it continued its descent to the ground, and ducked making his way silently, in the stealth of a shadow around the side of the shuttle. Out of sight, from the man and the boy whom stood waiting for the airlock to finish opening. The man was strong! He could feel the power flowing through him! This thing they called the Force! Perhaps if he was his brother, he may of rushed forward announcing his intentions for all to hear. Relying upon only brute strength and Mjolnir to see him through...but he wasn't! He was smarter then Thor would ever be! No!...He would bide his time, explore his surroundings and discover how he could best manipulate this Force this power to his advantage!
Discarding his illusion, Loki slipped around the wall of the temple. Children! There were children playing! Practicing their battle with strange glowing weapons that crackled and hissed like electric whenever they connected. Where were the warriors! The Force sensitive whom held the power of the Universe within their hands! Unsure he faltered, wondering if he had time to make it back to the shuttle, before it departed. What use would children be! A mere hindrance to his glorious purpose! Bitter contempt, etched across his eyes as he lifted his head, hearing the thrusters of the shuttle take flight in the distance. Could it get any worse? Could it! Stuck on a half dead wretched planet with kids whom had power that they knew not how to wield!! He would have to retrace his steps... Sit in wait by the landing dock, perhaps in the guise of something not noticed...maybe even a tree!
Lowering his head Loki turned, when suddenly a young boy caught his eye. Dark haired and fair of skin like him, he sat alone...Separated from the others and cast within a haze of gloom that was caused by his own foreboding. Thoughtfully Loki paused to watch the boy. He reminded him of himself. His own lonely childhood and in that moment, Loki felt pity. He felt his anger, his resentment and his hurt well up again, within him. Those others...those mindless children...He would show the boy how to make them pay. How to make everyone pay for making him feel that way!
Lifting his right hand towards the boy, Loki paused. Lowering his head to look out at the boy from beneath a furrowed brow; as his lips twitched into a devious smirk and he moved his fingers fluently like a wave through the air. Instantly the air around the boy began to move, vibrating in and around itself a tiny particles of ice began to form. Snowflakes.... Lazily they danced falling gently upon the boys head, catching his attention as they landed, melting upon his face... Startled the boy looked around and Loki chuckled...
Cautiously he indicated that the boy should follow him and turned. Entwining his fingers behind his back as he projected his voice silently across the air to whisper enticingly into the boys ear...
"Don't be afraid... I come with glad tidings! Of a World, where you will be free!"...
"Questions...questions!" Loki mused, pausing in his tracks to turn swiftly dropping into a crouch beside the boy. "Does your 'Luke' ever tell you to be quiet or perhaps.. that patience is a virtue?"
Thoughtfully Loki looked into the boys eyes, watching his expression closely before continuing, "Ahh....but I bet he does!....And that is precisely why I shall not!" Slowly Loki's lips twitched into a devious smirk and he announced simply. "I am Loki...of Jotunheim! But you...You shall call me..." Thoughtfully he paused for a moment enjoying the curiosity he saw etched across the boys face. "Ood Bnar!" Fluently Loki rose and placed his left hand upon the boy shoulder to guide him further into the trees and away from the possibility of being discovered. "And if by chance you were to tell your Master about me....What do you think he would do?... Shall I tell you!" Loki implore, feigning innocence as he extended his right hand in emphasis of what he was about to say. "You would no longer be special! " He announced abruptly! "He would insist I teach others, NOT you!!...and if I refused...He would send me away! Is that what you want?.... For your pitiful existence continue" Deviously Loki paused, arching his brow to question the boy.
" It's the unspoken truth of the Force, that secretly... they crave your subjugation! The bright lure of freedom, they offer....Their lies! Diminishes your life's joy as they scramble to take any power and identity from you! They would have you as a shadow, living in the shade of their greatness...Yet you were made to rule!... To lead! And in the end, they will always fear you! Despise you for it!! So tell me Ben...Ben Solo! Is that what you want?" Loki hissed in conclusion as the air around them seemed to shimmer, vibrating colors that rapidly danced weaving in and out across themselves to form mirror images of himself that moved, circling calmly around the boy. "An ant has no quarrel with a boot! Are you an ant Ben Solo?... Or would you prefer to be a boot!"
In unison the 'Loki's' lifted their heads to laugh, before fading back into the air from which they had sprung, leaving the boy once again alone with the God of Mischief.
"Bennnn!...Ben?" The sudden sound of a voice. Another child calling out the boys name, interrupted the silence causing Loki to turn and look in amusement from the direction it had come. Intentionally,Loki raised his brow and smiled as he calmly inquired, "Perhaps you prefer me to teach her?" Then turning he calmly entwined his fingers behind his back and strolled towards a cluster of trees; Letting his voice travel upon the air to whisper once more into the boys ears. " If you decide you are indeed worthy....Worthy to be a boot! And not ant, Ben... Then I shall be waiting. I shall be right here!..."
And as the air around him seemed to move, casting forth a soft and golden glow which danced across his stature, the form of Loki faded. Changing to expand out into the trunk, the boughs of a willow tree....
His Uncle Luke had allowed Leia to come see him for a short visit. Thinking that after a year of training he deserved a break from the heavy work load that came upon a child undergoing Jedi training. Especially a child like Ben Solo. Who was so strong in the force simply from genetics alone. Yet so tormented by his emotions and something that loomed over him.
"I will always make time for you Ben. We will go on an outing. Just you and me; then I will return you here to your training." Leia had informed her son.
The boy could not hide his excitement. The pure happiness that lit up his face when she spoke words he knew to be a lie. Whether she intended for them to be or not, they were. She did not always make time for him, but in that moment it appeared as though she were trying to do so. It was this attempt that had led them to Coruscant. Ben liked it there; he always found himself marveling at random things in passing.
"This must be Ben." looking up to the Twi'lek who had spoken. Smiling a little when he suggested a future in politics, but it faded when his mother spoke for him. Implying that he was not interested in such dealings; maybe she was right, but he would have liked the chance to decide for himself. Confused, he was always so confused. How could he explain what he felt from everyone lately?
If there was one thing he felt most in his parents; it was a growing sense of concern. Though part of him hoped they would be proud that he stood up to the bully recently. Even if perhaps he took it too far, in turn becoming the bully himself. No one ever really asked him what happened, his side of the story---he began to feel as if he had no one on his side. No one that truly stood in his corner with him, in this giant universe. It was foolish of him to think that they would have understood, he knew that now. Maybe his temper would not allow for him to follow a path into politics----
Then again how would it deal with something like Jedi training? It was only going to get more difficult---the deeper he went into the training.
Everything was happening so quickly. He could sense it. A big decision was being made in regards to him. One that would shape his whole life, but did he have a choice in any of it? Someone was watching him or would be watching him---and they had a plan. Which would end making him feel as though he had no choice. But he wanted to be a Jedi. It would make them proud---wouldn't it? If he where capable of becoming a brave Jedi Knight? If he followed his Uncle Luke. They would think better of him? And want him around. That was Ben's way of thinking. The young boy could not help but feel as though he needed to earn their love, respect, and attention.
Or beg for it----
Silently he followed his mother, walking quickly to keep up with her. Leia Organa always walked with a purpose. Sometimes Ben would try to emulate her steps. He looked up to her, and believed she knew without a doubt what she was doing in life. His mother was never scared, that was his own personal belief. Defensive maybe----but in his eyes there was no one braver than Leia Organa. This was confirmed when they entered her office. The stiff arm that pushed against him. Making sure he remained behind her. "Who the hell are you?" his mother sternly threw words. Making his own eyes widen, hiding the beginnings of a smirk behind her arm.
The smile which was wiped clear of his face when she told him to wait outside. Again treating him like a child. Something he was not allowed to hear or take part in. He looked up at her with a very displeased sigh; then shrugged his shoulders and stepped back out into the hall. Sinking down onto the bench with a knowledge of what was to come.
It was always the same----
Some things never change. This was proven yet again as he sat nervously outside her office. Knowing all to well that behind those doors would be something more important. Always something urgent; unavoidable. Something that she would have to take care of herself. Which meant the promised get away she had made only moments before would be tossed to the wind. Ben knew before she even exited her office that she was cancelling her previously suggested outing.
Not even looking up when she came to deliver the news; he shook his head. "You said you would always make time for me---" he muttered. "You lied. I guess it's a politician thing. You're right---I wouldn't be interested in Politics." Ben coldly replied after she placed a kiss on his head. "Don't make promises you can't keep." he added at her last remark.
Still unable to look at her, he rose from his seat and took off. Knowing all along threepio was following. The droid would be responsible for returning him back to his Uncle Luke, and the his training. Settling back into the daily routine was easy---he hadn't really been away from it to lose the schedule anyway. It didn't mean it made his feeling of neglect any easier to deal with it.
The other kids thought he was only there because he was related to Luke Skywalker. They underestimated his power! He would show them---he would show them all. The error of their ways. It started with Martlev. The boy who had crossed his path before, but it wouldn't end there. He was stronger and more deserving than all of them. Ben would prove this to his uncle, which would then prove to his parents what an important child they had been neglecting.
Away from the crowd of younglings he sat. Amidst his thoughts and unnerving emotions. Then he felt it; a strange feeling upon his face. Flakes of cold matter hitting his skin and then dissolving into water on it's surface. Snow? Confused and concerned, he looked around for some sort of explanation. Then he heard the low chuckle and the words that followed. Ben wasn't at all sure if following this man was the greatest idea, but he was curious. Had he just created the snow? In this climate of all places?
Having never seen him before, and growing impatient with his thoughts he followed after him. Looking at his strange clothing, before looking up at him, trying to keep up with his walking. "Did you do that? How did you do that? Does my Un----Does Master Luke know you're here? We're not suppose to have unsanctioned guests. Who are you?" the questions flew out of Ben's mouth with all the traits of a child.
