Bits and Pieces of My Soul

To you -

I will seek the solace of your arms then, when I waver.  I think I should need your strength - for even now, your nearness affects me so.  *though her heartbeats skipped and fluttered around her belly like a thousand petals falling from a tulip tree - her voice was calm and sure when she spoke.  Her gaze, though her cheeks flushed at the intimate caress of his warm palm, did not leave his - could not bear to be pulled away. Indeed it was as if she were polarized to him - drawn in like that of a wayward star losing its battle with the stronger sun, being drawn inexorably ever inward until she exploded into him in a dazzling display of might meeting might.   He was so close she could drink in the scent of him,  and it made her pulse quiver.  The pad of his thumb, calloused sent tiny goosebumps flaring up and down her neck and the shiver was impossible to hide.  She was disinclined to hide the reactions he caused in her.  Even if she were, his sun shone too brightly, the pull was too great and she had no reserve to fight it.  - Her smile was shaky, but her eyes were dilated and dark with intent when she spoke - breathy and thick, like honey*  My words have you longing for more?  Oh how you romance me with just a line, and many verses, have me lost in your sonnets.  *Dark eyes searched his* Then map your quest, my Romeo.  Find your paths and begin your journey, begin our adventure.  I await the discovery with a wanton zeal.

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The words that inspiration wrought  -

*She stared back at him, the last thing she had thought he would do was rise and put distance between them.  It almost felt like a slap and she recoiled slightly at the action.  Pushing back into the cushions, blinking back stubbornly the idea of tears, she turned her cheek away, eyes and face cast down.  That had been a hard thing to say.  How do you share with someone such raw heartbreak and torment?  How do you share it with someone, no less, that you find yourself longing to crawl into?  Needing with a depth she had far ago put past her as being possible again.

Hermione had resigned herself to never finding a connection like that again.  To living a series of empty moments with men who never sparked in her the desire to be -what they wanted- or to inspire in her - to try to be more than she was. -  She'd begun to entertain the fantasy that Fate had finally cast a favorable eye on her one last time.   How cruel a mistress she was.  Showing her flashes of what she wanted, needed - and then yanking it away, like a precious drink of lifesaving water to a dying man. -  So she wanted to feel him.  Feel his touch, see a smile and know which one it was, and what it was reserved for - share knowing looks.  Perhaps it was just a fantasy, this idea of him.  A smoky shadow that haunted her soul, knowing exactly what she needed to hear, but not being able to actually fulfill the words he'd pulled from the darkest hidden corners of her heart.  She was a foolish, foolish slip of a girl.

She rose herself then,  turning away so he did not see the tear slip down her cheek before she brushed it aside, like so many others that had fallen long before he stirred her heart awake from the dull, monotonous slumber it had been in.

She was long used to tears filled with forgotten hopes, with barely spoken, gauzy wishes that were so fragile she dare not even put word to them.  It struck her mute momentarily, the shock that rolled over her and the ball of emotions that welled in her throat, constricting it so tightly she could not speak  - until she took a long, fortifying breath.  When she did, her voice was tremulous, full of raspy, raw hurt and something else, something that surprised her - anger.* 

Why are you the only one who is allowed to be selfish?  I am not a porcelain doll!  I am a woman. I have flesh and bone like yours.  *she closed the distance between them swiftly, her eyes, shining fire-bright into his*  What course do you have to say what is better for me, than myself?  *her hands, despite herself, fashioned into fists and settled on her hips* You.. you have lit a fire inside me that I believed dulled and died long ago.  And yet you tell me I deserve better? What is better?  Some sallow, simpering man with an empty head and milky, gray, lifeless words that do nothing to ignite my passions?  Is that what is best for me?

*she stepped right up to him, her voice quaking*  You are correct in saying you're a cruel man.  Tormenting me with .. *one hand gestured the length of him* with all that you are and then deny me?   I share with you a piece of my life and you turn tales to run from me?

*her hands were back firmly on her hips* What are your feelings?  No intention of what?

*she paced like the lioness she was, proud in front of her mate - fearless to face him now that her passions had stirred other flames within*   I find no torment, *she flung the words out, spinning around and casting a nearly petulant glance his way*  in being with you, except in that you  leave me the moment I bare a piece of myself to you.  *she froze, stopping in her tracks, her back to him, shoulders ramrod straight* If you are going to trust me - you will have to take a leap of faith that I will also trust you.  *her voice was low and just as hushed as his*

After all, is that not what I have done since the moment we spoke?  And so we are very clear, I long ago let you in.  *she turned slowly, shoulders still stiff, eyes already shuttered and guarded*  I suppose the question is;  Will you let - me - in?

(And yet..even though I said all this to you - you still left.)

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I had a dream last night - a haunting

Vision of your eyes dancing before mine,

Sparked with unrestrained desire, dark

Like the bluest skies just before dusk -

And I willingly dove into the sea therein.

And your voice, like a siren lulling me

To follow where're you sang.

Helpless to stray from any path that did

Not lead to you. And your touch. Oh, your

Sweet touch - like fire and silk, caresses

That left me keening, thirsty, craving for

Just one graze of your lips upon my hand,

Or my cheek - Heaven's angels would be

Envious for anything more -

But I say, let them covet me.  For when

You speak, it's as though the angels themselves

Are singing.  And one touch from your hand

I take flight amid the cadre of stars.  And one

Smile from you and I catch glimmers of

Untold cities of gold faultless and shining from

Within your eyes.

Meet me tonight?  Give me patois and hope

And a feast for my dreams? 

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