There was a feeling of dread that only worsened with every question he began to ask her. The confusion riddled in his eyes brought her no comfort. She had answers but none of them were the answer to why he had not told Lorenzo about Kenzo. That was not the arrangement they had made before he made sure her and the kid got on a train safely out of Ozark. Her silence not offering answers to even the questions she did know surely played a part in the rising anger he was displaying before her. But how could she speak when her words were all jumbled trying to make sense of everything while hearing every heart aching but passionate explanation of every role he would have played at her side. All. Things. She. Knew.
"I know..." She answered in almost a whisper finding her voice to speak. Without a doubt she believed he would have done all that he promised and more. "You're not the only one who went looking for an escape after we lost Kenzo and we..." She was not sure what to call it exactly. It just one day wasn't anymore between them. Not that either of them could really be to blame. They were two parents grieving in their own ways forgetting they had one another. "I started using and went on a binge that never really ended." Sobriety she had under her belt from cocaine now made admitting it embarrassing and shameful. It was crazy how different life was when not being controlled by an substance. This has been the longest she had ever gone not using since she was eighteen. "The second anniversary of losing him I finally went back to Ozark to visit his resting place. I hate to admit prior to that I never went. It was as painful as I imagined seeing his little head stone." Even though he was just in the other room sound a sleep the pain of losing a child was still an emotion that ran deep in her heart. "I had black out at the site for I don't know how long but it was the sound of a little boy's laughter that woke me. In the distance I saw Mrs milkovich with our little boy. I don't know how I knew, I just knew!"
By this point her own emotions began to run high in the anger department reliving the pure hate that developed inside of her for Mrs. Milkovich. Much like he had been her anchor in the past grounding her with the comfort of knowing she was not alone embraced her the moment he moved close. His presence offered a condolence that soothed her from seeing read; the irony being he was making promises of killing a man with his comfort. But still while everything was in question except where they both stood when it came to Kenzo, Kimberlina found solace knowing he was a man of his word but there were her own condolences that she had for Lorenzo. Killing Lachlan would be equivalent to someone killing their best friend. It was something she wanted to shield him from. Maybe, just maybe there was some kind of miscommunication? It was a natural instinct to want to protect him because she knew it would eat him alive but he'd go through with it.
"Wait, wait, wait..." Hazel green hues looking up at him as she quickly tried to form reason for Lachlan's withholdings. "He helped me get clean so that I could go after Kenzo and put his own life on the line when I finally did pay Mrs. Milkovich a visit. That's a lot of work when you already have the kid right? He could have just told me I was drugged out and crazy. But he did not. He immediately dropped everything to help." She had to rationalize the facts of what they did know. It was easy to fall in defensive mode with the lives they both lived and finding out their child was in fact alive. Who would not be ready to have guns blazing at even the simplest things like spilled milk. Her free hand finding him on his chest. The palm of her hand resting on the fabric of his shirt. They both just needed to slow down before making any rash decisions. There was something about sharing a touch that made time stand still for them. "The real issue here is I should have told you. I should have told him that it needed to come from me because it did and I wanted it to." There was that part of her kicking herself for not knowing something was off as the months passed by. "I'm sorry."
The last place she ever wanted to be was here back in Ozark, Missouri, but it had been exactly one year since she and Lorenzo laid their unborn child Kenzo to rest. It was overdue to visit his final resting place. Her heart would never quite heal from this kind of loss, it was the worst day of her life. Loss was all Kimberlina knew, her entire life she had been bathed in nothing but it. Her vices however could not numb this pain or the constant stinging in her heart she had been living with. Maybe the inability to escape this pain was her punishment, the karma to follow and remind her how many times she said out loud she did not want a child. The endless thoughts and talk of abortion or the way without hesitation she referred to herself being pregnant as infected with life as if he was some sort of unwanted disease. But she did want him; as much as she was terrified to admit that and be someone's mum he was a representation of everything good in her life. The love in her life she was not only capable of receiving but capable of giving to another. For the first time since she was young, dumb and seventeen she had wanted that white picket fence, she wanted to be someone's wife and someone's mum. She for a moment had a fairytale life, it was everything to her. That is as fairytale as a stripper from Vegas and a Mafia prince next in line from Missouri could get.
Now? Now all she had was a tombstone engraved 'The most important angel got his wings.' in a state she despised with her whole heart. It did not matter how blue the sky was or that the rays of pelting sunshine kept her warm for the three hours she had already been sitting here in silence sobbing. Without a doubt when she'd find the strength to leave her son's grave she would surely have a muddy, grass stain on her rear end but she did not care. She did not care about anything anymore. Her right index finger began to trace over his name written in the stone as her tears blurred what little vision she had left. Kimberlina's arms swung around the tombstone, they were just long enough to hug the cold stone. This would be the closest she ever got to holding her child. Her head rested against the top, the material of the headstone was cool against her tear stain cheek. For a moment she found a little slice of peace. Hugging that slab of stone meant so much more to her soul than anyone could possibly understand. For that brief second the stinging in her heart stopped, it paused as if allowing her to enjoy this time with her son. Is this what closure feels like? Was it possible to even find closure in a grand loss? No, but right now in this moment of time her heart and soul felt a little less heavy. She'd embrace the warmth by telling herself he was hugging her back.
"The books..." Her voice cracked finally speaking, tone filled with a shaky sadness she was struggling to beat, "All the books I read said you'd be attempting to walk and stand with help at this age." The rumble in her chest brought back that heaviness as she took a deep breath to gather herself. "Knowing your grandparents they probably have you walking already. Your grandfather, the general as he made everyone call him always boasted how he had me walking by ten months old. I think you should call him Papaw, he'd hate that." A small smile found a way of piercing her lips. It was the first real smile she had given in a year even if it was a small one. When the breeze picked up, it was almost as if she could hear the faintest giggle in the winds. Was it him laughing with her? It's what her heart wanted to believe but the faint giggles continued and now that her vision was clearing up she could see a small boy a few rows up standing with a woman at another grave. He appeared to be laughing at Kimberlina, understandable for a child to not understand why someone would be hugging a grave. She found herself unable to look away as she watched the toddler in his happy spirit, so innocent and new to the world. Even though they were his giggles there was something about the sound that made her feel content. Kimber even found herself giving a small wave which only caused him to fall on his bum as he attempted to wave back. "I hope you're that kind of happy in heaven." She whispered before giving the top of the headstone a kiss.
It was time to go, the aching heart she had come with had healed just a little today. That was until she caught sight of the woman who was with the toddler, that stinging pain reentered her heart as she watched a second woman join them. It was Mrs. Malkovich and Dr. Porlanda. Her eyes had to be failing her. Why would Dr. Porlanda an OBGYN be meeting with Mrs. Malkovich, a widow far too old to conceive. Her green hazel eyes had to be deceiving her. All the tears and emotions had put her brain in a fog. But hearing those faint words 'nana and mama' triggered something inside of her. Something was not right here but she could not decipher what her gut was trying to tell her. Her hues focused back on the young child, the medium brown hair and the smile... she knew that smile. Staring at that little boy was like staring at... NO! It could not be! Kimberlina was spiraling and the weather almost appeared to change with her mood. The sky turned grey as heavy drops began to fall causing Mrs. Malkovich and Dr. Porlanda to head back to their separate vehicles but not before Kimber was able to snap a photo with her phone of the little boy being carried away. Thunder clapped with anger as she stood there staring at the photo. She knew that face, she had stared at that face for three years. It was like looking at a tiny Lorenzo.
Kenzo was alive, that was him. A mother just knows and nothing would stop her from getting her son back. Absolutely nothing! She'd burn down the entire city and everyone in it if she had to. There would be no end to her wrath once she got her hands on Dr. Porlanda and Mrs. Milkovich.
As Kimberlina took to the bed herself to join the slumber party she would cuddle up to Kenzo's other free side. The mention of Nana bringing a smile to her face, her name bringing up memories of their time together in Italy. It also squeezed her heart to know the elderly sweet woman was still around so that Kenzo did have the opportunity to meet. "I bet nothing would make Nana happier than to meet her great grandson." Her mind could not help but become distracted for moment envisioning a family trip to Italy. The beauty of the villa still lived vibrantly in her head. But would it be a family trip? It was so easy to assume and picture it because this was how it was always supposed to be. Lorenzo was exactly the kind of father she always imagined he would be. He had a tough exterior he displayed to everyone except them. His heart was on display and it did not go unnoticed.
As story time continued she was learning a new one herself. She indeed had grown up reading Charlie and the chocolate factory as well but as she listened intently as he shared a peek into his childhood with Kenzo. It was a story she herself had not even heard before and there was an awe that struck her soul to learn something new about a man she knew in ways no one else ever could. While this was where their path had led them separately, their bond was something that couldn't be recreated because they each were the secret ingredient, only together could it exist. If it was not for the heavy head of the sleepy toddler finding comfort amongst her chest she could have right here in this moment forever. Right now in this spot they were indeed a complete little family. She could watch the father of her child obsess over their creation forever. It was like someone finally understood the depth of love she had for Kenzo. However a snoozing tot tucked away between them meant it was time to return to reality and discuss the important things at hand.
Gently with the help of Lorenzo she rolled him off her chest to the fluffy pillow before slowly getting out of the bed not to rock it. A simple snap of her fingers at Oz and the dog moved on an unspoken command to lay besides the sleeping miniature giant. Kimberlina would reframe from pulling the covers up allowing that right of passage to be taken over by the father. It was not just some olive branch she was extending, there was never a moment from the time she became pregnant to raising him that she wanted to do this without Lorenzo. His involvement and sharing these precious little moments were always her intentions. Before they stepped out of this room she hoped she had proved that to him at least a little.
The sound of the bedroom door closing behind her as he followed her out back to the living made her heart race once more. She wanted to turn around and go back into the room where everything was a dream. She was not sure she was ready to face reality; it was clear there were things even beyond their son to discuss. Kimberlina wasn't naive but she had been out of the loop for a lengthy chunk of time plus there was the mess she left in Ozark three months ago. A mess she did not regret but one that had potential to create a war. "I'll be honest I don't know where to start." Her head hung heavily as her arms reached out resting on the back of the couch before her. Fingers gripping the material trying to gather her thoughts. "It's been exhausting." She did not look at him, her hazel hues stared aimlessly at her hands. An epiphany striking her causing her chest to tremble in exhale; she could actually breathe for the first time since getting Kenzo back. However that breath of fresh air would be stolen as quickly given when something he said earlier when first arriving replayed in her head.
A quick swivel on the balls of her feet had her facing him once more, a look of concern washing her white. "What did you mean when you said you saw Miks posting about Kenzo?" Her heart was racing much faster now as her paranoia was triggered seeing puzzle pieces she had not seen before. "After Lachlan told you about Kenzo being alive?" A sense of panic making her flesh hot and light headedness began to take over which did not help her jumbled thoughts explain things any better to him. "He said it was best if he told you first..." Nothing was making sense. "But he helped me..." Kimberlina knew she would have things to explain and answer for but out of clarification of what she was under the impression Lachlan had already told him. Which she had originally been against, she wanted to tell him before anyone could but when Lachlan had explained the man he became convinced her a buffer would be needed. The walls in the penthouse suite felt like they were closing in around her and her tone wilted with sheer panic. She had no clue what any of it meant and she was desperately searching for answers from Lorenzo when she had not fully explained a thing out loud.
Time felt as if it slowed down, a small gift of extra time allowing her hazel hues to catch everything with an observant heart. Kimberlina watched a livelihood come over Lorenzo that did not exist just moments ago when she had let him in. A happiness that even a man of his statue deserved. A small snort of laughter naturally emersed, rolling those dramatic orbs of hers are his remark of being a 'threat' to Oz. "I think it has more to do with you stole his side of the bed all those years ago." The words just flowed without thought, her left hand lifting to her lips fingers gently tapping away. It was easy to reminisce in the past when they had so much history to look back on. It was a blazing trail down memory lane no matter the path taken but it was not one she ever detoured from walking. With him here, actually here it was hard not to drift back and forth from past to present.
Kimberlina could have dropped to her knees and thanked the sky daddy above the moment he agreed not to take her son away, even if it would have been just for the night. A heavy sigh of relief trembled her tone during the exhale hearing he'd stay. "I don't think..." But she stopped herself from even finishing the sentence. While they had been safe thus far since returning, she herself had been worried. It was hard to silence the fear of someone coming for your child when it had already happened once. Lorenzo staying also sparked a sense of security beyond just a sense of relief to know that after tonight he'd know everything and she knew he would fight just as hard for Kenzo. Which in return actually made their son pretty lucky to have them as parents.
Just when the carmel beauty thought her head would catch up to the different surge of emotions going through her it was as if Kenzo had other plans. A needy boy when it came to those nighttime hours and tonight it would appear he wanted both his parents. Their sudden closeness met with a smile forming on her plump lips, a muscle that had a mind of their own. "It looks like someone wants to become a Kenzo sandwich before bed." Her tone was playful and soft as she smothered her son's chunky little cheeks in kisses. Hues wandering back up to look at Lorenzo who was once again towering her with their child being the only space between them as he made his promise to Kenzo. A promise that made her heart flutter and maybe it was her personal delusion but his tone felt like he was talking to more than just their son.
Once Kenzo let go of his father's shirt in belief he was in fact staying Kimberlina walked with Lorenzo to the bedroom while carrying their son. "Maybe we should let daddy pick the bed time story since they're all your favorite?" She joyfully stressed the word daddy in hopes their son would not continue to refer to his father as picture man. "It's okay I pick for daddy!" His firm little tone setting the rules of how bed time story would go. As soon as he was set on the bed he got right back up to grab a book of choice. The little human they created would run behind his father eagerly pushing on the back of his legs to move him towards the bed. "Way down, you read now." Kimberlina pulled back the comforter on the king size bed getting it set up for them to read putting her son's dino stuffy in the middle spot to tuck him in. This was very much what she always imagined playing house with Lorenzo would be like.
This wasn't an ideal meeting, this was not a scenario that Hallmark made movies about but her seeing Lorenzo's walls come down and so effortlessly fading into father mode was a sight her heart would never forget. It was a beautiful moment despite how the past had robbed them of their son and even the simplistic moments like a first hug. Of course there was more to discuss but right now this experience between father and son was far more important; a long time coming. Kimberlina understood all too well the emotions surging through the father of her child; she could still remember herself that feeling when she first squeezed him in her arms. There truly was no better feeling in the world than holding your child for the first time. It was everything!
Keeping her distance but yet only inches away Kimberlina wanted to give the two time to have each other's full attention. While Kenzo could pick his father out of a line up it was something completely different to have him here in person. It was a treat for her heart to witness this moment. It felt natural the pairing, the way Kenzo matched his father's excitement. The giggles that screeched with such joy and love, the playful display between between them was once how she imagined life would be as a family with them; even Oz in all his spastic barking. "You know you are still the only person Oz barks at like that." There was a sense of nostalgia taking her back as if nothing had changed. The more she observed it the easier it was to fall right back into that life she once dreamed of with Lorenzo.
Kenzo's little voice returning those three little words to his father made the dams in her eyes break releasing the floods she has been fighting back. Her hand pressing to the middle of Lorenzo's back in comfort and compassion stepping beside him for support. She could only imagine what he was feeling right now. Her head gently resting against his arm, "He's perfect right?" Her tone soft and directed at Lorenzo. She could almost swear to see a sparkle in his eyes as there was no denying the love between father and son. In this moment they did not only look like a family but to her felt like one. It was another wave of heavy emotion but one she was grateful for. Their son deserved to know both of them without their past with one another getting in the way.
Clearing her voice as her eyes looked down at the ground, "You're welcome to stay here with us... for Kenzo of course. If you haven't made arrangements already while in town." She wanted him to have as much time to continue to bond with their son without feeling like he had to go. In her eyes he had every right to be there and after what they had both been through as parents he deserved every second possible with Kenzo. But there was also part of her scared to let him walk back out that door when the night did come to an end and it would be time for him to leave. Kimber knew without a doubt that their son would be reason enough for Lorenzo not to vanish again however she wanted to be a reason too. "But, if you have.... um I could pack an overnight bag... for Kenzo." She did her best to not let her tone tremble in that offer. She in no way wanted to go a night without her son or share him without her present but she knew it was the right thing to do. With Lorenzo she knew Kenzo would be the safest so it was not an issue of not trusting him but missing her son.
Every accusation that began to come out of his mouth cut her deeply. It was the tone of his voice that striking her in the heart. The mixture of anger and sorrow wafting in the air from his words. She knew his anger had always gotten the best of him but even this was a side she had never seen. The way that he towered her so powerfully but their history would keep her from ever believing he'd hurt her in this moment. How could he ever think she would do something so heartless as hide the existence of their son? After all she had done to bring him home. Didn't he realize what she had to do? No. Lorenzo knew nothing. They had been out of contact with one another. The 'death' of Kenzo has been the best thing that tore them apart. "Lorenzo I..." She sighed with a heavy exhale, it was almost too hard to look at him in this state of despair. "I would never!" She hissed snapping in a whispering tone. She was not the enemy, they were on the same team with the same missing pieces of Kenzo's early life. Her emotions were rising and none of this was easy for either. "Mrs. Milkovich bribed our O.B. his heart was never in jeopardy." Kimberlina was not sure if after all this time Mrs. Milkovich even rings a bell to his memory. They had been through a lot of crazy things together and it has been in the beginning when she first moved to Ozark for him. "You might not have been responsible for her son's death but I was responsible for her husband's. Taking Kenzo was her revenge." Tears swelled up in her ember eyes. She did in fact blame herself for them both missing out on their child's first three years. It was something that she could never get back or give back to even Lorenzo. "Three months! That's it. That is all I have had him. I don't know him either." A remark that was not easy to admit. What parent wants to admit they don't know their child? She still was learning all his different moods and attitudes. Toddlers were complex creatures for parents who didn't have their child stolen. "I don't know that this is a talk to fully have in front of him and I will happily answer any questions you may have. I promise." Her hand gently resting upon his right cheek as the pad of her thumb caressed his stubble comfortingly. "But right now you should go sit with your son, he gives really good hugs!" None of this was easy there was hurt on both ends for multiple different reasons but she would present him with her best smile before taking his hand with a squeeze to guide him over to the little pile of toys surrounding Kenzo and Oz who sat close by. "Kenzo you have a very special vistor." Their son's attention finally drew to them both, the toddler looked up with a look of familiarity at his father. "Picture man!" while Lorenzo might not have known why their child was calling him that, Kimber did. "I made him a photo book when we first got home of all the important people who love him but he doesn't know yet. He tells people his dad is the picture man. People assume you're a model." She let out a small snicker, this was a heavy moment even if the news was happy. It was a lot to take at once but their toddler oblivious to anything other than he had two new playmates he handed them each a toy car. "We play now?"
