Before the storm

*This is set a few years before Candice got the order to kill Jensen, He wasn’t her husband yet and she had confessed who she was, Nik was still very much around and controlling her, This is a very important time for Candice as she began to feel again and realised she wasn’t the monster Nik wanted her to be*

Coldness all she could remember was the coldness stabbing at her flesh like hot needles, It’s crazy how in the cold the pain is heated life’s way of trying to remind you that you are still alive and that you need to fight she didn’t want to fight anymore but giving up wasn’t in her nature “F***!” She gasped in the air the thing she desperately needed as she was pulled from the ice cold water she lay in only nobody was there it was her own arms that pulled her out her body’s unwillingness to give up astonishing her, Clawing at the embankment she pulled herself onto dry land coughing and shivering in the snow dragging herself to her knees as she wretched the fear of drowning was all to real for her she nearly did it this time she hoped the cold waters would have made her body give up except it had quite the opposite effect it made her fight harder spitting out the remains of the water from her mouth as her breath caught back up with her she turned laying flat on her back exhausted from everything another failure she thought to herself and this was a dark, Slippery and dangerous path of thought to be on no wonder she always bailed she was nothing but a failure, She knew that and time after time it killed her a little more inside.

Finding herself back in her sh*tty motel room in Sarov Russia she booted her suitcase across the room making it open and what it was holding to fly around the room she needed a good cry, That would make it okay for a while but as she sat on the dirty floor against the door she just came through and willed the tears to come they wouldn’t was she that far gone that she couldn’t even cry now? She lifted her head forward and slammed it back into the door. Pain. Good she felt something at least once again she had ran and for what? The life of someone else? When did she start caring about more than the money? Life had its little ways of f***ing you up she scoffed to herself her clothes clinging to her now a deep chill within her, Maybe the cold would kill her after all.

Peeling herself out of the wet clothes in the bathroom she looked at herself, She didn’t recognise the empty shell looking back at her, Cold lifeless eyes and her soul even worse the more she looked at the stranger facing her the angrier she became all these emotions going through her and she couldn’t even begin to comprehend how to process them and before she could stop herself she found glass stuck in her hand from the now shattered mirror she wasn’t even in control of her body anymore she was a slave to the rage as she pulled the shard of glass out a wince left her lips watching the blood drip down her knuckles and into the sink felt almost poetic for how she was feeling.. Empty like the blood leaving her body empty a smile at this thought before hearing a rapid succession of knocks on her door walking back into the room she pulled on some clothes and wrapped her hand as silently as she could going back into the bathroom she sighed inwardly of course no windows which meant there was only one way out she’d have to go through the door, The knocking more urgent now she didn’t have her gun or knives handy so it’ll be a fist fight for freedom she opened the door hands raised seeing him of all people standing there her body gave up and her hands dropped she didn’t have to worry about crying now the tears came freely he embraced her as gently as he always did “My god I’ve found you, I’m here I’ve found you” he held her close but she couldn’t speak not yet so she allowed the sobs to flow.

He allowed her to cry on his shoulder she desperately clutching onto him like he was her lifeline she seemed pathetic to herself but he would never see her like that she knew that after her sobbing had passed she got angry again “What are you doing here? Sh*t! When someone leaves you that’s it! Take the f***ing hint!” She snapped at him why didn’t he get it? Why couldn’t he see she was protecting him she expected him to shout back, Call her a coward and selfish but he didn’t he simply looked in at her with love and admiration which of course made Candice worse “God damnit Jensen! Go away! Leave me! Just do yourself a favour and go!!” Again he didn’t speak he just let her go through the motions her anger turned to an almost pleading now “Please.. Jensen just go..” she wiped a tear from her face quickly “Please..” that last please almost a whisper he stood and she thought he was going to leave instead he began to pick up her things and place them in her suit case the confusion evident on her face “What.. What are you doing?” She asked as she watched him he turned to her and spoke softly “Taking you home” what? Hadn’t he been listening? She couldn’t be around him it was dangerous for him but of course he didn’t understand this he just knew he loved her and he wasn’t taking no for an answer she began to panic she couldn’t leave with him “NO!!” She shouted he didn’t even flinch before she ran away she had told him who she was and that he was a job she told him he meant nothing to her and it was just a job she didn’t tell him everything though “Jensen! No!” He dropped her things now and turned on her grabbing both of her arms forcing her to listen to him “Candice listen to me now! You and I are leaving here and going home I know who you are and I know you think I am nothing too you and I am still f***ing here! I know you feel something for me, You are scared I get it but you don’t have to be you’re not alone” she swung her arms freeing herself from his grasp and shook her head “I’m sorry I had to run.. I figured ruining one day for you.. well it was better then ruining the rest of your life.. Can’t you see what I did was for the best... Let me go” she pleaded again “Please.. They..” she sighed now she had to tell him it was the only way “This isn’t real and they’ make me kill you! So just go! Because I’ll have to kill you! GO!” She shouted the last word now just as he picked up her gun off the floor he shoved it in her hands “Well? F***ing do it” he told her bringing her hand holding the gun up to his head “F***ING DO IT” he screamed at her now so mad that he was literally foaming at the mouth “Come on!! Do it! F***ing do it!!” She was shaking her whole body was shaking her lip quivering as she looked in at the scene in front of her “Stop..” she said before he spoke again “You’ll have to do it eventually right? So might as well be f***ing now Candice because if you don’t come back with me now? I am already f***ing dead! You might as well finish the job right?” He closed his eyes “Come on! Do it” he was pleading with her like he wanted it to end she couldn’t get why? Why he wanted her so much she didn’t love him but she didn’t feel nothing for him that she could just end his life right now she was slapped out of her thought quite literally as he slapped the gun out of her hands and grasped her by the chin softer now then he was before “Now stop f***ing wasting my time and let’s go!”